In late December of last year, one of my Facebook friends that I know personally, told me about a resource for people with disabilities to find housing that meets their mobility needs or other varrying needs that they may have. And I didn’t write about this resource then because I wanted some time to go by, to see if I’d have any luck finding housing that would meet my own mobility needs through this particular resource. But what’s encouraged me to write about this resource now, is that the listing I’d written when I’d first heard of this resource, had expired within the past few days. But unfortunately, I didn’t get an email notification about that having happened; I just happened to log into the Dwellability website to review my email notification settings. And that’s when I found out that the listing I’d created had expired; so I took the necessary step to reopen said listing and after that had been done, I set a reminder on my phone to remind me the day that my listing expires again. In addition to that though, I also emailed the people who came up with this service, to make this suggestion to them directly, for there to be an email notification for folks reminding us when our listing will be expiring…that way, we can resubmit the listing if need be. So hopefully, they’ll implement my suggestion.
But in case any of the folks who read my blog want to check this resource out for themselves, Dwellability’s website can be found at
I have an app on my phone that’s called NFB Newsline–this app is made by the National Federation of the Blind (NFB) and it allows people to browse through different magazines or newspapers throughout the world. But I log into said app so rarely, that I honestly forget that I even have access to it; but I’ve been a Newsline subscriber since attending my very first National Federation of the Blind conference back in 2006. Some of the adults who’d also attended this particular conference, as well as some adults who worked at the National Federation of the Blind, suggested I become a Newsline user. And so, being young and easily-pressured back then, I did exactly that: and so, it’s been over a decade now that I’ve been a Newsline subscriber. And pretty recently, I was asked to think about just how long I’d been involved with Newsline, how I’d gotten connected with Newsline and how I felt about said program over all. And I answered those questions honestly, saying that it’s easy for me to forget that I even have Newsline because the mobile phone app for said service is kinda clunky. I also mentioned the fact that I’d love to start using Newsline on a more frequent basis…but that in order for that to happen, the app would need to be completely redesigned in a much more user-friendly way. Because while I myself am a tech-savvy person, many people are not as tech-savvy as I am…and those people would likely find Newsline difficult to use. That being said, I’m not sure if anyone in charge of Newsline will heed my feedback/the feedback of others…but time will tell. I sure hope that they do, though, as the idea of why Newsline exists, really is wonderful. And also, given that these questions I’d answered were on a survey, at least I can anticipate that my words will be read by someone.
I have some final thoughts about Jaci Velasquez’s book entitled When God Rescripts Your Life. Mainly, I want to say that given what a huge fan I am of Jaci Velasquez’s, I’m glad I read this book. But that being said, I’d say that the book would likely only be an interesting read to folks who are familiar with much of her story (music-wise and personal life-wise. Because as far as I’m concerned, it wouldn’t necessarily make sense for others to read this book, as they might become lost, if they don’t understand the things that Jaci Velasquez talks about in its pages. Maybe other people feel differently than me, though.
But that being said, there is actually something else about this book that’s worth talking about: the fact that Jaci Velasquez talks about her battle with chronic pain. And what bothers me about this particular part of her story, is the fact that Jaci seems so resistant to use medication to help her have less chronic pain. This bothers me because I too, used to feel exactly as Jaci Velasquez did: that no matter what I go through, I’d never ever ever take medication. For one thing, I felt taking medication was not a valid answer because medication was simply a mask for something that could be fixed with the right doctor or the right holistic treatment plans. But then, as I gained more life experiences, those life experiences lead my thinking on this issue to completely shift. I can remember exactly what caused the shift to happen and when exactly it occurred: it was October 2016. I’d literally gotten the Systemic Scleroderma diagnosis the day before my birthday that year. My medical team had finally found a medication that lessened my chronic pain considerably. And so, it was then that I learned that sometimes, in order to be able to fully function, we have to do things that we never thought we would. And so, in reading about Jaci Velasquez’s chronic pain story and how she’s chosen to deal with that situation herself, I can honestly say that I get where she’s at…and even why she’s made this choice for herself. I just know that for me and my specific situation, I choose what will allow me to live a fully functional life, over the alternative of not taking pain medication and being so sick that I can literally not function at all.
Something else about Jaci Velasquez’s book When God Rescripts Your Life, that it’s important to me to highlight, is the way in which Jaci attributed the loving relationship her children have with one another to God…not to her two real, living human children on earth. This particular thing bothers me because it makes no sense. Instead of giving her two boys the credit they deserve, for loving each other and helping one another through life, she puts that truth on an invisible sky daddy. How fucking arrogant she is for that perspective; people really should be given the credit that is theirs, for creating and maintaining healthy, lasting relationships with others. Because life is fucking hard, no matter who you are or what you believe in. No one that’s alive, gets out of this thing called life alive. Eternal life is a concept that was most likely created by people who found it easier to deal with life, if they didn’t think of death as being a permanent thing. But when a logical, non-religious person actually sits with the truth that this life is the only one we have, and when said logical, non-religious person therefore allows their eventual death to inform how they live every day, there is true comfort in that…for me. Why? Because I know that I’m fully responsible for the life I live, how I make people feel and how I continually grow into a greater, fuller powerful self. That is fucking sexy!! Wouldn’t you agree? Nope. That’s fine–I don’t need you to. I know that that’s my truth…and I’m sticking to it!! But this is exactly why it bothers me that Jaci Velasquez takes the credit away from her sons: because each of them makes a choice every single day, to love each other and teach each other about what they each know about life.
Something else that I want to talk about regarding Jaci Velasquez’s book though, is how she herself narrates the book. Honestly I’ve always loved her speaking voice, whether I’d hear it at an actual concert of hers that I was at or a concert or interview that I was watching on YouTube…or through listening to bonus content on some of her physical albums…and now, through listening to her read this book of hers. She’s soft-spoken, for the most part. But her voice just sounds really calm and super animated, over all. Like, her speaking voice just naturally seems to know how to emphasize words/phrases when…and that makes things quite entertaining to listen to…at least in my opinion.
Another book I’m currently reading, is called The Ethical Slut, Third Edition: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love. This book is written by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton; it’s literally the first book I ever read about alternative relationship styles to monogamy. But even though I’ve read this book before, I don’t remember specific things about it. But perhaps that’s because I mentally blocked its contents out, as I honestly never thought that I’d actually be fortunate enough to live in that truth myself. But as I’m reading The Ethical Slut now, I’m remembering that one reason I loved this book so much, was because it addresses sex a lot. Whereas the book I just read called More Than Two, that book focused mostly on the non-sexual ways in which we human beings interact with one another, romantically and otherwise. And just like the introduction in More Than Two said would likely happen for readers, one of these styles, a more sexual one verses a sex-negative one, would resonate with folks better than the other one. And in fact, that’s exactly why I wanted to read these particular books back-to-back; I wanted to be able to accurately compare the two when they were both fresh on my mind. And so, I’d definitely say that I’m far enough into the Ethical Slut to accurately compare these two books.
All that being said, I think it’s important for me to talk about my personal journey where non-monogamy is concerned. Because while I’ve known for years that I’m not monogamous, I continued to live as a monnogamous person, hoping that each romantic relationship I’d get into with someone, would be the one that would last forever. But each time I did tihs, I’d experience the same exact results. And in fact, it wasn’t until the last romantic relationship I was in, that I finally decided to live non-monogamously. Because after my then-boyfriend and I’d had several conversations with each other about the fact that I wanted to add more romantic love to my life, and after he’d continually told me that as long as we were together, he expected that I’d only have sex with him, I knew that I had to end our relationship. That was literally the last thing I wanted to do, but deep down, I knew that this decision was what would be best for the both of us. Because when it came down to it, we both wanted totally different things out of life. That didn’t have to mean that either of us was a bad person, even though the world at large would likely think that that’s exactly what it meant. But ever since then, I’ve moved forward in my life with the intention of ethically being non-monogamous. But I want to talk about how even though making this decision was difficult for me to make at first, and even though it took me years before I felt safe and ready to make this decision for myself, my soul somehow knew my truth all along. And also, I kept remembering Dossie Easton’s and Janet Hardy’s book The Ethical Slut…and reminding myself that I was not alone in these feelings or in this worldview of mine. And that frequent reminder to myself honestly empowered me so much and ultimately lead me to live out my truth. And it’s interesting to reflect on this though, as a huge part of why I didn’t want to live openly as non-monogamous for so long, was because I had no positive self-worth. But gaining a positive self-worth, has been what’s freed me to ask for what I both need, and want, in my life. And whether or not I actually get what I ask for, I can at least feel great, knowing that I was vulnerable…and gave someone the option of helping contribute to my happiness.
In the latest Multiamory episode, Jase, Dedeker and Emily talk about compassion (both in terms of extending compassion to ourselves, as well as extending compassion to other folks). And honestly, one of the first things that comes up for me about this very subject matter, is the fact that ever since I’d filled out the form to request an excused withdrawl form from school for this semester, I’ve experienced waves of compassion about that. And what I mean by that, is that sometimes it’s been hard for me to extend compassion towards myself about the way this situation will likely turn out. So for example, one of the first times I looked at what my grade was in said class, I saw that it was a passing grade. But then as time went on and my professor graded more assignments that I’d done and input zeros for the assignments that I was unable to complete, my grade became one that wasn’t a passing grade any longer. When I first saw that change, I was super disappointed. But I reminded myself that I wasn’t alone in this predicament…and that helped me feel better in that moment. But then a bit later on, I started to feel down about the fact I most likely wouldn’t pass this class. And while it was difficult for me to extend some understanding/compassion towards myself, I did so: because I’m trying to change this particular thing in myself for the better. Because sadly, it’s easy as hell for me to be a heartless bitch to myself in terms of not extending compassion towards myself when things don’t go the way I’d hoped for them to. As much as it pains me to admit that truth about myself, doing so is a huge step forward towards me being who I know myself to be…and who I want to be. Extending compassion towards myself would also be a healthier outlook to have, as it’s important to me to tackle the parts about myself that I know I could become better at.
Another example of when it’s been hard for me to extend compassion towards myself, was five years ago when I was in the hospital about to have emergency brain surgery. As I’ve written about on my blog before, I’d asked my bio mom to come visit me then because I desperately wanted her to love and care for me, the way I thought a real mother would/should care for their child. And also as I’ve written about on my blog before, my visit with her didn’t turn out the way I’d hoped it would. But ultimately I worked through my issues about my bio mom and this particular traumatic event in fall 2017, as this event didn’t upset me any less, even though it had happened just a couple years prior to fall 2017. The work I did surrounding this particular event and on learning to reshape my entire view of how I looked at myself though, was what ultimately lead me to leave Texas for good. But all of that hard work I’d done, still left me feeling like something was missing from my life that I needed to work through. And upon reflecting on this now, I’m self-aware enough to know that what was missing, was that it was hard as fuck for me to give myself compassion for all of the trauma I’d faced on this part of my journey, related to me having a visit with my bio mom when I was about to have emergency brain surgery in spring 2015.
An example of a time in which I had trouble extending compassion to other human beings, was throughout the time I’d maintained relationships with my maternal grandma and my favorite aunt on that side of the family. What was so hard for me to have commpassion towards them about, was how they each maintained their relationships with my bio mom. I couldn’t understand why on earth they’d want to keep in regular contact with my bio mom, especially knowing how shitty she (my bio mom) had treated me throughout my life. It was even harder for me to extend compassion to these two people I loved so much, because I didn’t directly ask them about why they kept in contact with my bio mom on a regular basis. And in fact, it wasn’t until years later that I came to understand, through my own personal experiences, that the reason my maternal grandma and my favorite aunt on that side of the family stuck it out with my bio mom, was because she (my bio mom) was their relative too. And also, my deeper understanding of the complexity of this situation, helped me grasp that the two good people I’m talking about, could love me as well as love their relative who’d done bad things to me. Like, this was not a black and white kinda issue, even though at one time a huge part of me wished it were.
In the latest episode of Hidden Brain, the show’s host Shankar Vedantam talks with Peter Singer (who is someone that thinks deeply about people being ethical). But that being said, when many people hear the name Peter Singer, they don’t necessarily feel happy about who he is. In fact, I’m one of those folks who cringes when I hear his name/when I think about what he stands for in the world. But, for those who ar unfamiliar with Peter Singer, he’s someone that thinks that certain lives are more valuable than other lives. In fact, one of the things he says, even within this Hidden Brain episode, is that in his opinion, it’s justifiable to let disabled babies/disabled human beings die…because they, we, (again in his opinion) have a lesser quality of life than non-disabled folks do. How the fuck does he even get to continue spewing such venom?!?!?! Another thing he said in this episode of Hidden Brain, was that it’s justifiable to kill one innocent person, if doing so saves multiple other people’s lives. And he says that it’s logical to have this particular mind-set. But to me, all thinking this way does, is help illustrate what a monster of a human being he actually is. But something else that listening to him talk brought up for me, was that I thought that maybe like me, Peter Singer actively strives to be different. Maybe like me, Peter Singer is carving out his own space in the world, the exact way that he wants to. And because of these possibilities, whether or not I agree with the things that he espouses, I can at least say that he is confident in being a non-conformist…no matter what kinda shit he gets from society. And TBH, I can relate to that way of living one’s life, as I too, enjoy being a non-conformist…no matter what kinda shit I get from society.
In the latest episode of the This American Life podcast, its host Ira Glass tells one story through this entire episode. It’s a story about a woman who lives for solving criminal cases that most legal professionals themselves cannot even solve. And then unexpectedly, the main woman who this story is about, learns that a close relative of hers has been missing for some time. And so, throughout listening to this story, we as the listeners are taken through a wide range of emotions. But the main lady named Lissa, that this story is about, doesn’t give up when it comes to searching for her missing family member. And the thing is, Lissa doesn’t search for people for a living–searching for people is literally just something that she enjoys doing. But unfortunately, this story didn’t end with Lissa’s relative being alive. This relative of hers had actually been murdered by people who’d robbed her and then stolen drugs off of her. It was really sad, TBH.
Something in the show Once Upon a Time that I think is worth writing about, is how the Wicked Witch from Oz comes into the main story about Henry and the Evil Queen who is also his (Henry’s) mom. So Zelena (the Wicked Witch) is Regina’s half sister…but Regina hadn’t known about this half sister of hers until Rumpelstiltskin told her (Regina). And so, once Regina learns this devastating bit of news, she unites with lots of people who are within Storybrooke (the town where fairytale characters are all lost and afraid). And eventually, Regina, Emma and others within Storybrooke come to figure out that Zelena is doing what she can to prepare a curse…because she (Zelena) wants to try to shift time. Beecause ultimately, she (Zelena) doesn’t want any of the good people who are currently in Storybrooke, to put an end to her first. And she knows that Emma (who is Henry’s birth mom) has the tools within her, to defeat Zelena once and for all.
This morning I wrote the following post on Facebook that reads:
I’m limiting my social media presence on purpose–I wasn’t going to write about it but I’ve decided to do so. I’m not speaking on things right now because I collectively feel everything that’s going on in the world. I personally feel sad and heartbroken about everything that folks are going through. I’m deeply disturbed by the fact that the media largely focuses on only one thing at a time…and that many people probably have entirely forgotten about Covid19 because of the louder heartbreaks that have come up. Yet, nothing has changed on the Covid19 front. There is still no vaccine or other treatment for Covid…and the college I attend says they are planning to slowly start opening up campus to everyone soon. I believe this choice is the wrong one to make, and my medical team wholeheartedly agrees with me. There is no way that a treatment vaccine for Covid can be created so quickly…so even if the college campus I go to does open back up this year, I’m staying put, as long as my medical team tells me to. School can wait; I value my life more than I value putting myself on campus just cuz people want the money they’d get from having me physically there. All that to say, if anyone wants to stay in touch with me, I check Facebook Messenger regularly. If you want me to know something about your life/something else that you post on social media, please tag me, as I’m not going to go through people’s actual posts. Lastly, black lives matter!! My heart breaks for you and with you. White supremacy needs to die like, yesterday.