August 2019 archive

More Hospital Stories, Thoughts On Books And Self-Love

Something I forgot to mention about my latest hospital visit, was that when I’d gone into a small waitingroom in the ER, I had an interesting interaction with a little boy. The friend of mine who’d taken me to the ER was trying to see if my tiny wheelchair would fit beside a stroller. As …

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More Hospital Stories, Books And Other Stuff

In the last blog entry I’d written I forgot to bring up an interesting discussion I’d had with one of the night nurses I’d had during my latest hospital stay. This particular nurse was doing their assessment of me and asked me something along the lines of “how would you prefer employees in this hospital …

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More Hospital Reflections And Other Stuff

A few hours before a friend of mine had taken me to a local emergency room on Friday, my caretaker brought mail to me that I’d received. And what I’d received in the mail, was one of the Christina Aguilera T-shirts that I’d ordered. It was the long-sleeved one that was from her Liberation tour …

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Unexpected Things, School Stuff And Reflections

One thing I didn’t talk about in my last blog entry, was the fact that on Tuesday when I helped out with an event at school, some of my friends and I talked with each other about how we’d like our weddings to look, if we ever have one. This particular conversation was fun for …

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One of the things the author of The Empath Experience talks about in this book, is how for many people who are empaths, we have to unlearn listening to our head in terms of how to live our lives. So instead, this book author encourages us to learn how to live our lives through using what feels right to our bodies and souls. This author is spot-on when they explain this very thing–I’ll admit that I’ve listened to my ability to recognize people’s potential. In fact that’s been the very thing that’s guided my entire life, from my relationnship with my biological mother, to the people I’ve had romantic relationships with, to why I chose to date certain people over others. I’d say I have clarity now, clarity that I’ve never had before, meaning that I deeply understand how my view of myself has heavily influenced all of the decisions I’ve made for my life thus far. I fully accept responsibility for all of those things, now that I know better. But I think I’m going to say this specific thing a lot: before this point, I was totally unaware of how my being an empath would and could explain so much about why I’ve lived the way I have. But now that I know this truth, I wouldn’t want things to be any other way. Monday afternoon my primary doctor’s office called me, or I should say that their automated system called me to remind me of this week’s upcoming therapy appointment. But given that I’d already seen this new therapist last week and given that we’d both agreed to see one another every other week, I canceled this week’s therapy appointment. I then purchased a few books from Audible’s website that I’ve wanted to read for awhile now; one of these books is called Thoughts About Death That Have Nothing To Do With God and is written by Greta Christina. She’s the same woman who wrote the book I just finished reading called Why Are You Atheists So Angry? 99 Things That Piss Off The Godless. And not surprisingly I find that Greta Christina’s views on death are similar to mine on said subject. I think that this life is all that we have, as is true for other animals. Even as an atheist though there are aspects of death that suck; that bit of knowledge is true, no matter *how* you view death. But what I find comforting about death personally, is that the memories of those I’ve lost have continued to live on through me. I find it comforting that I had the chance to know each of those people. I’m grateful for the time I had with each of those people, regardless of the circumstances of their deaths. I still cherish each of those people today…and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. Because here and now, I can choose to create traditions of my own that reflect how I feel about these folks. Here and now, I can choose to shift my own thought process about death to one that helps me live my life more fully. Yesterday morning I went to school a few hours early so that I could help out with a back-to-school event; doing so was fun. It was neat to meet fellow college students and educate them about our LGBT club that’s on-campus. It was also fun because I ran into a lot of my friends which made my heart happy. Fortunately the person who’s my scribe for my class this semester saw me at this event so they knew where to find me when it was actually time for my class to start. But before I get to writing about my class, I want to say that I had one of my friends run an on-campus errand for me. So last night I spoke with someone about filing a complaint about the theater professor I’d had last spring. I knew that it may have been weird for my friend to show up at this office on my behalf but fortunately my friend was able to get further contact information for me which *was* helpful. But of course I still needed this friend to send me said contact information in a way my speech output software would recognize. I write about these specific steps because I think people need to know what a hassle it can be to do seemingly simple things like this as a blind person. So while volunteering at this event was fun, unfortunately for me, finding my class proved to be quite difficult–both my scribe and I were given incorrect information…and we were each given different incorrect information at that. We discovered this because the first classroom we’d found ourselves in was not even a sociology-related class. So I then pulled up the email that the Office for Students with Disabilities had sent me that supposedly said where my class was. But I say supposedly because what that email said was also wrong!! So I then logged onto my school account which was in the building I’d been told it was in but with a different classroom number. By that point I was nearly 20 minutes late…and my professor was one of those professors that was like “I see that a new student just entered the room, what is your name?” I excitedly introduced myself and my aid told the classroom who they were. Given that this was the first day back at school for me though I was energized! It really helped that I took the summer off, that’s for sure. So anyway in today’s sociology, ethnic relations class, the professor outlined their expectations for us, the students and explained in detail what the goals are in this particular class. Interestingly this is another class I’m going to love. I know this because class participation is essential. The professor was also adamant that if anyone was disrespectful in class, they’d be asked to leave class for the day. He clearly explained that if the same person was disrespectful again, he or she would be dealt with however the professor thought necessary. It was interesting to be in this professor’s class even for my first day in it because their speaking voice is calm yet assertive. I seriously can’t wait to see what the future brings in this class. We were let out of class a few minutes early which was nice. By the end of the day, I was sooooo ready to go home! And once I’d gotten home I tried to write a bit. But my brain was like “nope, you need to just relax; listen to one of your recently purchased books from Audible. Or listen to music.” So even though mentally, my brain was trying to tell me to do something different, that I should try to force myself to write, I remembered that one thing I’m committed to changing, is listening to what my body and my intuition tells me. Because when I’d made this promise to myself I didn’t just mean for myself to make this change when it’s easy and feels exciting to do so; I meant that I’m going into this change thang with my whole heart. Period!! One thing I did to relax was check my email…and I was happy to see that my long-sleeve Christina Aguilera shirt has officially been shipped. Now, with my luck, this precious shirt won’t arrive at my house until weeks from now. LOL. Isn’t that always how it goes? That when you’re eagerly waiting for something, that something takes for fucking ever to actually get to you? Ugh! So because I’m a critical thinker, I’d like to lay out why I don’t find the thought of heaven or hell believable: I don’t find them believable because I don’t think that *this* life that we are living now, should *EVER* be devalued. I don’t think for a second, that this life is something that people should take for granted. I don’t think Heaven is the paradise that many religious people find it to be…because if there is no pain in an afterlife then as human beings, we would not be ourselves. I don’t think Heaven is real because here on earth, some human beings already know that too much of anything is never a good thing. This leads me to another reason I don’t believe in Heaven as a never-ending paradise: part of human nature is to hurt when other people hurt. So Heaven could not exist as paradise if Hell is supposed to exist too…and this is because Hell is supposed to be a place where people are brutally tortured for eternity. To be honest I’ve had moments in my life where I’ve doubted the truth that I’m speaking now–I would argue that doing so, doubting, is another thing that is part of the human experience though. Because just like there are many different thoughts on the assorted religions that are in our world, there are just as many perspectives regarding how people live their lives as free-thinkers. There are some atheists who can appreciate the support of religious believers; but there are other atheists, I’m one of them, who strongly object to prayer and comments about God knowing what he’s doing when tragedy strikes in a person’s life. If you are religious and don’t know how to comfort an atheist through a tragedy they are going through, ask them “how can I best help you through this? What do you need me to be for you in this moment?” Sometimes the response to these questions will be for you to just literally sit by our side and be still. I get that doing that might be counter-intuitive in some people’s minds but at the same time, silence can be powerful as fuck!! You could even be vulnerable and say something like “this sucks; I honestly don’t know what to say about this tragic thing you are dealing with.” This is a great response in my opinion because for me in particular, I don’t want to hear anything about God because people think I live a meaningless and angry life, simply because I have a different worldview from them. This brings me to another thought about death though which is that if people sit with the permanence of death, I mean really sit with it, then they may become uncomfortable. The reason for their discomfort is most likely because they have doubts about the things that religion tries to shove down their throats. And as I’ve said in blog entries before, it’s part of the human experience to doubt and even to grieve. Death sucks, period!! This is a fact, whether you are religious, whether you are an atheist or whether you are questioning your religious beliefs altogether. But many religions try to take people’s pain away by telling them that they’ll see their dead relatives eventually. Whereas the atheist, realistic point of view says “once we die, that is it. But the memories of our loved ones will live on long after they’ve died. The ideas these people had can be kept alive by their loved ones who are still alive. The values that these people who have died used to espouse, can continue to be kept in the world by the loved ones of theirs who are still alive. These truths are not morbid or uncomfortable to me; they are part of what makes me happy and provides comfort. Because another truth that I wholeheartedly believe in, is that through being loved by these people, I’m a better person. This truth does not cease to exist just because those people are gone. And you dear blog readers may have noticed that I’m using the words “dead,” “death” and “died.” I don’t like the phrase “he or she has passed on” because it denies the reality that death is permanent. I don’t like the phrase “he or she has passed on” because it tells people that they don’t *have* to be in pain…when pain is a natural part of the human experience. I don’t like the phrase “he or she has passed on because it implies that there is something wrong with death, when death too, is a natural part of life for animals and other living things.

One of the things the author of The Empath Experience talks about in this book, is how for many people who are empaths, we have to unlearn listening to our head in terms of how to live our lives. So instead, this book author encourages us to learn how to live our lives through using …

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In the last blog entry I’d written Saturday I forgot to mention that I finished reading The Catcher In The Rye that same day. I loved that book!! I could definitely see myself reading it again at some point down the road; its main character Holden Caulfield is hilarious!! Late Saturday night or early yesterday …

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Within the past couple weeks or so I’ve been forgetting to mention that many of the books I’d suggested Bookshare add to their collection of books, have indeed been chosen for that purpose. This makes me so excited because I’m an avid reader and always have been. And being able to have VoiceOver read books …

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I realized that I just randomly stopped talking about the TV show Catfish on my blog; the reason I’ve done so is because Hulu only has a certain amount of episodes available. And being that I’ve caught up with every episode that Hulu currently has on its platform, I’m stuck waiting for said company to …

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In my last blog entry I forgot to mention that within the past week I had a weird dream. Unfortunately I don’t recall much of what the dream was about, other than to say that I’d dreamed that I was in space. In my dream there was a blinding light that I could see with …

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In reading more of the book entitled Mothers Who Can’t Love, its author Susan Forward mentions that she’s written a list of rights that people as daughters of unloving mothers should take to heart. So I want to quote that list here in my blog because I think it’s important for us to remember, as …

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