More thoughts on Anne with an E, childfree topics and thoughts on disability/romantic relationships

When I last wrote about Ann with an E, I didn’t even try to spell the name of the new friend that Anne makes in the third season of the show. And since I’d forgotten to look it up then, I made sure to look it up for this particular blog post. Anne’s new friend’s name is Ka’kwet.

And also, there’s a part of Anne with an E in which Gilbert is on a ship. And I’m actually going backwards in the show to talk about this because I wanted things to develop a bit more so that I could have more to say about them.

So while Gilbert is on this ship, he makes a new friend named Sebastian (nicknamed bash for short). And Gilbert and Bash become such close friends that the two of them end up living and working together in Avonlea. And Avonlea happens to also be where Bash meets the person he’s meant to spend forever with. That woman’s name is Mary and she and Bash have a little girl together. But sadly, Mary becomes deathly ill, leaving Bash to care for their newborn. And this particular part of the show is emotional for me, mostly because Mary’s death brings a community together, of people who loved Mary dearly, including Anne, Marilla, Matthew, Diana and other friends of Mary’s. And community really is a beautiful thing, whether it’s in real life, online or in the form of media that we consume.

Going back now to season three of Anne with an E, the gossipy lady named Rachel who I’ve mentioned before, is set on finding someone for Miss Muriel Stacy to get married to; but the thing is, she (Rachel) doesn’t know that Miss Stacy has actually been married…but that her husband died. And Miss Stacy is not necessarily a direct woman herself, so she takes Rachel’s pushiness about finding her a man to marry, by just blowing her (Rachel) off at every opportunity. Like, as often as Rachel comes around to Miss Muriel Stacy’s house or invites a possible suitor to Miss Stacy’s house, Miss Stacy busies herself with other things. And in fact one time when a complete stranger showed up at her house, Miss Stacy thought she could make him leave if she told him that she was about to go for a walk. But unfortunately for her sake, the guy took that as an invitation to go on a walk with her. And each time Miss Stacy is faced with Rachel’s pushiness, I get more and more mad because she (Miss Stacy) won’t just fucking tell Rachel or the men Rachel finds, to leave her alone. Like, I can seriously feel my blood pressure rising every single time this particular issue is brought up in Anne with an E.

But that being said, it’s kinda ironic but I love Rachel’s character. I don’t like the ways in which she medals in people’s lives persay, but the actress who plays this character, does a fabulous job portraying Rachel. I mean, even how Anne with an E shows Rachel being incredibly blunt with folks yet she (Rachel) can’t handle when people are brutally honest with her, is spot on!! And I also get how Rachel and Marilla have been in each other’s lives for so long, that it’s easy for Marilla to just accept that Rachel being a gossip, is just how she (Rachel) is.

Another thing in this show that I love, is how Jerry (the boy who works on the Cuthbert Family’s farm) meets Anne’s best friend Diana. The two of them seem to hit it off so well that Diana pretends like she’s broken her ankle, as she’s walking to her house with Jerry, in the hopes that she’ll have a chance to hang out with him some more. And as it turns out, Jerry’s house is not too far from where Jerry and Diana stopped to check out her ankle. And so the two of them go to Jerry’s house, where Diana eats with Jerry’s family. And this part of the show was huge because Diana was usually never allowed to have any sort of taste of what it’s like to do things in this huge world of theirs…and that’s why she pretended that she’d gotten injured: because she feels like her doing her own thing without her parents’ knowledge, would be fun. And she wasn’t wrong, in thinking that; she was even able to tell Jerry how she’d felt spending time with him and his family, right as her parents had come to his house to find her.

And so later in this show, we the viewers learn that Jerry seems to have romantic feelings for Diana. We find this out when Miss Muriel Stacy has taken the Avonlea school children outside into the woods, to learn about the birds and the bees. Jerry ends up appearing there, hoping that he could see Diana, before she’d go home. And Jerry and Diana end up getting into a discussion with one another about what’s proper between boys and girls; and again, Diana thinks that the best decision would be for her to do whatever she as an individual wants to, rather than just following traditions because that would be what her family would want her to choose. And TBH, I’m glad that Diana made the choice that she did, of spending more time with Jerry, however she could do so.

There’s yet another part in season three of Anne with an E that’s poignant to me: the fact that Ka’kwet’s parents have her go to a boarding school far away from where they currently live…all because they (her parents) believe that she’ll get a better education at this particular school. But one thing that’s a huge part of this story, is the fact that at one point, Anne tries to visit Ka’kwet at the boarding school. But someone at the school turns her (Anne) away, claiming that Ka’kwet cannot even have visitors. So Anne then tells this person that her friend’s name is Ka’kwet and then asks this person if she’d tell Ka’kwet that Anne came to see her. And unfortunately for Anne’s sake, the woman she’d been talking to, was adamant that she didn’t know who Anne was referring to because the students at this school were given American-sounding names, upon their arrival at this school. That bit of news seems to make Anne feel deeply sad; because for Anne, her meeting Ka’kwet as well as Ka’kwet’s family and then she (Anne) living the life she has as an orphan, have all given her the gift of developing being an empath.

In this FB group I’m in but which I’m new to, I posted the following introduction:
Hi all, I’m having a hard time figuring out what this group is really about…but I see a lot of strong women in here and I’m happy to be one of them. I noticed that there’s a category for LGBTQ+ posts but couldn’t find anywhere to post in that section specifically. And then it occurred to me that my story has lots of different things in it…all of which have made me into the stron woman I am.

So, the short explanation of my story is that I come from a toxic family who is also, I’d say extremist about people who are not Christian/heterosexual. Many of these folks were also abusive…and I’ve been free of that crap for about two years now. I left the state of Texas where I was born and relocated to a new state, where I’ve found true happiness. It’s also been nearly two years since I’ve been the out-and-proud lesbian that I’ve always known I am. I battled lots of internalized homophobia, in addition to the toxic family that I’ve already mentioned. But I’m still here, better than ever, in terms of being free to be my authentic self. And while I won’t tell folks that things will get better, I can say that I’m happy to be in this group and happy to be at a place in my life where I can truly support others in their awesomeness ❣️

In this same group, someone else posted a topic about their coming out experience. My response to their comment reads:
Thanks for this post. It is never too late to come out; I didn’t come out to everyone myself, until a couple years ago. I’m 32 years old and grew up similarly to how you seem to,, with religious folks who said being attracted to the same sex was wrong. And also like you, I didn’t ever think I’d be able to live openly as a gay woman. But now that I am, I couldn’t imagine living any other way.

In the public Disabled Feminism group, there was a topic posted about the way people introduce those of us with disabilities. The response I wrote to that topic reads:
This is an interesting topic to me because in thinking about my own life, I have had people introduce me with these kinds of comments…but that was back when I wasn’t confident in who I was. Maybe me saying this will jinx things for me (LOL) but ever since I’ve truly become comfortable in my own skin, I haven’t received these kinda comments from anyone.

In this same group, someone shared an article where a white man wrote about his experience traveling from country-to-country, as a wheelchair user. The original poster of this topic made a point that it doesn’t make sense for this man to have written this article. The response I wrote to that comment says:
I get what this person is saying: they are saying that because of this white man’s being in the spotlight, that takes the spotlight off of more marginalized folks. Because it is the default for people like this white man to share their perspectives as it is; whereas, marginalized people do not/are not given that luxury…
I then replied to another comment on this same thread, saying:
I’ve also had personal experiences where people compare me to other disabled folks they’ve seen or know. And in addition to that, there have been actual experiences I’ve had, where people have accused me of being lazy, simply because other people with my same disabilities can do those things. For example, “other people with Cerebral Palsy cook so you can too!” Or even as was said, “other disabled people shower regularly, so…what’s your problem?” And on and on and on…
The same person replied to that comment of mine, saying they were sorry that I’ve had these experiences. I replied to them saying:
Nothing to be sorry about, it’s life. But that is why it’s important for us to speak openly about our experiences, because if we don’t, people will never have opportunities to grow and become better.

In case anyone is curious or confused, the FB group I’d recently left, was the private Disabled Feminists group. That group is run by the same person who’s in charge of the public FB group for Disabled Feminism-related topics. And so I wanted to make sure I make the distinction between the two FB groups.

But a new development where that’s concerned, is that yesterday I sent the owner of those groups a message through FB messenger. Because when the drama regarding the Harvey Weinstein case happened on these particular groups, I was so angry about it that I couldn’t accurately explain to this person that I felt like they were suggesting that we as a society should give him a free pass. But as the days have gone by since then, I’ve had time to really process my feelings and to in turn think about how I could hold this person accountable. And the two of us had a really nice back-and-forth Messenger exchange. And one of the things I told this person, was that I’d honestly forgotten that Facebook has the ability for people to take breaks from people as needed, rather then unfriending them or leaving FB groups when things become overwhelming, as they did with me then. And so all this to say, I’m back in the private Disabled Femists FB group.

In the CF FB group I’m in, someone wrote about the fact that they think there are many people in this group who are hateful towards poor folks/folks with disabilities. The response I wrote to that thread reads:
I’m poor and multiply disabled; I’m also someone who doesn’t want kids because of my disabilities/severe health issues. I would not want to even have the possibility of my kid being disabled. In addition to my visible disabilities, I have several chronic health conditions that can become life-threatening at any time; why anyone would desired to put other beings through any of these things is beyond me. But me thinking this way doesn’t mean that I think everyone should share these views of mine.

In the same group, someone wrote a topic about knowing that the romantic relationship they’re currently in, is not good for them. The response I wrote to that topic reads:
If you already feel this way about you and him not working out, get the fuck out of the relationship!! There’s no sense in you wasting his time, or him wasting your time, by trying to convince yourselves it could work. You both deserve to be happy, whatever that specifically means for you as individuals.

In this same group, someone commented on a post that referenced people putting pictures of their kids in their dating profiles; I’d already responded to that particular topic…but a recent comment encouraged me to reply to the person. And what the person said, was that they get why people would put pictures of children in their dating profiles. So the response I wrote to that comment reads:
Putting pics of kids in one’s dating profile makes me think that such people’s kids are the only part of their identity. It is like people lose themselves as individuals, when they have kids; and that is exactly what I would think, in seeing pictures of their kids on their dating profiles.
The commenter I’d responded to replied to my comment saying something like “but kids are the only part of my identity.” I wrote a reply that says:
But why are kids the most important part of one’s identity? There is sooooo much more to people than what’s come out of their vagina…
This same person said that pets and kids are their identity…and I responded to them for the last time saying:
OK, whatever floats your boat. I just feel a bit sad about people who have your outlook because the world is full of so much more than animals and human kids. Like, what kind of music do you love? What’s been an experience that’s helped shape you? I care about those types of things far more than I care about people’s prioritizing their kids/pets…but that’s just me. Although, I’m sure I’m not alone in my thinking.

In this same group, someone posted that they’re unapologetically loud about their decision to be childfree. And they asked if others felt the same; I wrote a response to that topic which reads:
Hell no, you are not the only one who feels this way–I too am loud and proud about my choice to be CF…so much so that I even write publicly about it, along with other things too. And yes, I’ve also had folks who have kids unfriend/block me because there’s been times on my personal FB page where I’ve referred to obnoxious kids as “crotch gobblins” which many people apparently can’t stand. So I haven’t used that term on my personal FB page since then…but I’ve used that particular descriptor in reference to kids who don’t fucking behave…not about kids as a whole. In fact I even remember that the article I’d posted that comment about, was about people getting mad because they weren’t allowed to take their kids into a bar. It’s a fucking bar, people, AKA, not a place for kids!!

On another topic in this CF group, someone talked about how they don’t even want to date folks with kids. They asked if that sort of thing makes them odd; and my response to that thread reads:
Nope, that doesn’t make you weird at all. I won’t date anyone who has kids, either.
Someone then responded to that comment of mine, saying that they’d dated people with kids before…and that that was a horrible experience for them. The response I wrote to that comment reads:
Oh man!! I’m sorry for the loss that you endured, while you dated folks with kids–the loss of spending time with only your partner, specifically, I mean. But I’m glad to see this post because I thought for sure I’d be thought of as ‘the odd one out’ here, given that I flat out won’t date anyone who has kids. Because it’s like, everyone either has them or wants them, as I’ve said. And so for me, if I’m talking to someone I could potentially be interested in, the ‘kid’ question is one of the first ones on my list to ask people. And as soon as they excitedly say that they want/have kids, it’s an automatic…whatever the female equivalent is of a boner-kill for a man, for me.

Another topic I responded to in this CF group, was whether there were any folks in the group who are relationship-free, meaning not in a romantic relationship by choice. My responnse to that thread reads:
OMG, so glad someone finally brought this topic up. No, you are not alone in having such feelings. I’m also in my 30s and I’ve been in relationships for much of my life; and I also feel like no one will ever stay in relationship with me. I’m not sure if you have serious health issues as I do, but once people I’m with see me deathly ill in the ICU which usually happens once a year, they run fast, after that particular thing occurs.

And the thing is, I take great care of myself; I don’t want a caretaker/boyfriend or girlfriend. I have the desire and hope that I’ll find someone who thinks I’m worth loving for the long haul…but desire/hope does not necessarily mean that that will become a reality for me. But I’m happy with myself, I’m happy getting to know myself…and I’ll continue to stay happy whether or not I ever get into a romantic relationship again.