Assorted thoughts on being childfree, sexuality, relationships and more

In the Blind Bitching FB group, someone posted a comment saying that they haven’t posted anything in said group lately because they felt attacked. My response to that person’s comment reads:
You were told by a couple of us that you are not, in fact, powerless to change your situation. That was it; your character wasn’t attacked by anyone, nor were you told to stop bitching about your situation.
And the reason I posted this comment to this person, was because it disturbed me to see them try to create something false, simply because they didn’t like what they’d been told by myself and other folks.

In this same group, someone posted a topic asking us group members if we thought actual pages should be allowed to join the group. The response I wrote to that thread reads:
While I do think that Facebook makes us think we can choose whether we want to join groups using our personal pages or group pages, I think the only thing we can choose is to use our personal Facebook accounts. But this being said, I have no idea why pages would even want to join groups.

I wrote the below post in the childfree FB group I’d recently joined. The thread I created reads:
Just wondering if there are any gay/lesbian folks here? Besides me, I mean. And if so, did your sexuality influence your decision to be CF at all? For me, it did not. It’s only been two years since I’ve been an out and proud lesbian, but these two years have seriously been the best ones of my entire life!! But it took me leaving Texas AKA the Bible belt, and then moving to a liberal leaning state, to actually feel ready to make this big change for myself. Because for so long, I tried to pretend I wasn’t gay, and most people still knew that I was!! I also have multiple disabilities, which definitely did factor into my decision to wait for myself to actually relocate, before I lived fully in my truth. And so I’d love to hear if there are folks with similar stories to mine or ones that are different from mine. I’d like for us to be able to support each other exactly where we are and share things without fear of negative criticism.

In this same FB group, I wrote another post which reads:
On a post I recently made here, some of the comments said that folks are grateful for being with their partners 100% of the time. And I wanted to make a thread about this and similar thoughts, as I think this mind-set is/can be somewhat separate from being CF. I just mean that like, we can talk about the fact that we want to be able to spend time with our partners just the two of us. Because while I’m currently single, one of the biggest reasons I’ve always wanted to be CF is because I want to dedicate my life with someone just being us as a couple. That’s a huge part of why I’m CF, most especially because I was neglected/abused from childhood through most of my adulthood. And I want to give someone all the love, time and care that most of my bio family never gave me. Because I have lots of love to give 🙂

I’ve actually made other posts in this particular CF group but I’m not keeping record of here because either I’d already done so or they wouldn’t make sense to put on my blog. For example, one of the posts I made in this group asked what other derogatory names there are for kids besides “crotch goblins” or “crib lizards.” And putting that particular post here on my blog would be weird because I’m not actually asking something or telling a story. I also shared a photo in this group that said something like “I bet no one has made it over 18 years old without having any kids of their own.” I commented in this post that I’m way over 18…and that this particular accomplishment of mine is one of the top five things about myself that I’m most proud of. So now, there’s at least some record here of the posts I’ve made in this most recent CF group I’ve joined; and in case anyone is curious, this CF group is called Childfree by Choice.

But in this same group/topic, someone posted a comment saying how frustrated they feel every time another human being can’t believe that they don’t have or want kids. The response I wrote to their comment reads:
Oh, it definitely can be irritating when people act like the life choices we make are awful…when those life choices are different from theirs. But personally, this particular thing hasn’t bothered me the way it once did, because I’m secure in myself/in my decision to be CF, that it doesn’t matter what others think or say about said choice. But that being said, I don’t want to discount yours or other people’s feelings/experiences; I hope you’ll find a more peaceful place…cause it can be very draining to be frustrated in this way.”

In this same FB group, someone posted a topic about how they find it frustrating that kids are often the only thing that people know how to talk about. The response I wrote to that thread, with some expansion, reads:
This topic really resonates with me, both in regards to not getting married/not having kids. But pets and kids seem to be most people’s only things to talk about. It’s honestly disgusting to me because there are so many other (in my opinion) fascinating topics of discussion!! Some examples of other great topics that are worth talking about are experiences people have had that have shaped who they are, the places they’ve traveled to and what they’ve seen in those places, things they’ve learned from the different variations of relationships they’ve had with others. Seriously, talking about almost anything at all would be a better topic of conversation than kids or pets. Like, I’m not a fan of gaming on systems like Playstation, Sega or other gaming consoles…but I’d much rather listen to someone talk to me about those types of game systems than listen to someone rattle on about their kids. Hell, I’d rather listen to someone talk about sports, which I also know very little about, than hear people talk about their kids or pets.

In this same group, someone posted a topic asking if people thought that carrying a human being means that you are a mother…and I’m torn on that issue. So the response I wrote to that thread reads:
If you carry a human inside of you, that means you have at least some attachment to said human. And so to me, that in turn means that you are not CF. Like, I understand that if all went as planned for situations of this nature, the person who’s carrying the human won’t be responsible for it outside of having carried it…but I guess there’s just some part of my brain that couldn’t, and wouldn’t ever be able to trust that the family I might carry for, wouldn’t want me to interact with the child regularly. All this being said, I’m not against others who may feel differently/who may go through with something of this nature in their own lives. Freedom of choice and all that…

On my personal FB page, I wrote the following status update, with some expansion which reads:
So I know I’m about to contradict myself now, when I say that I don’t believe that “the love bug” is a real thing…at least, not for me. Or if it is, there was a note on my person written in secret that says “defective, DO NOT stay!” I bring this up because throughout our lives, people tell us this sort of thing. And it’s my belief that all this sort of thing does, is create a false hope within us human beings. And so for much of our lives, we search and search and search for a companion to share our lives with…when in reality, our search often leaves us discouraged, not to mention feeling bruised from all the times that our romantic relationships in the past didn’t work out the way we may have hoped they would. And man, I’ve just gotten to a point in my own life where I care more about living fully as a single and happy person, than I do about dedicating my time and effort to searching for a life mate. Like, that isn’t to say that I don’t want to find someone to spend my life with; I’m not going back on that, at all. But rather, I’m saying that I’m going to instead focus solely on me…and if I’m ever meant to be in a romantic relationship again, then I’m going to just trust that that will happen naturally.

I wrote another update on my personal FB page with some expansion, which reads:
OK, some Britney Spears fans on Twitter recently told me that Britney herself doesn’t support the Britney: The Zone event. Apparently, this event is being put on by her management; and while I did momentarily feel like ‘what the fuck’, I’m going to that event and I’m gonna have fun. Does that make me a horrible person? I think not. And to be honest, I’ll never understand why people think that just because someone in the entertainment industry doesn’t support a good thing that’s happening, that that means that no one should support that thing. Like, another example of this happening, was the Lifetime biopic of Britney Spears that came out a few years ago. Britney herself didn’t sign onto that in any way; yet some fans of hers still watched it. I wasn’t one of them because I didn’t have a physical TV, nor could I stream it using Lifetime’s website because I didn’t have login info that would let me do so. But even so, there were Britney Spears fans who watched it and said that it was awful. But that being said, they watched it most likely because they wanted to see it. Well, so too with regards to this Britney: The Zone experience: I don’t see a reason for folks not to enjoy it, simply because Britney herself isn’t behind it.

Friday evening I finally did something that I’ve needed to do for awhile: I got my hair cut and styled nicely. Like, I’m being serious here: the last time I’d had my hair cut before this latest time, was three years ago. In December 2017, literally a month or so before I left Texas for good, I decided to have my hair done nicely. And then well, the older I get, the more reserved I become, in some ways. Like, I’m a lot more reluctant to just go to some random hair salon nowadays, because I’ve had so many awful experiences in the past where people who have styled/cut my hair made it look horrible. But fortunately, with this most recent haircut I had done, I love the style and the way it was cut.

That same day was when season three of Chilling Adventures of Sabrina was released onto Netflix. So I’ve been watching it ever since then. And TBH, I feel like the latest season of this show takes some time for us as the viewers to warm up to. What I mean by that, is that it takes time to start feeling connected with the show again. Or at least, it did for me. But once it got good, it stayed good. But I also feel like this season in particular, has become much scarier than the other seasons were. And as far as I’m concerned, that’s both a blessing and a curse. LOL. But that being said, I do love the romance scenes between Sabrina and Nick and the potential romance scenes between Sabrina and Harvey. I say potential but TBH, I feel like Sabrina and Harvey have always had a thing for each other. And I’m hopeful that the two of them end up together. Because it’s like, all throughout the show, the interactions between the two of them have way much more to unpack than they act like they do.

Sunday the world found out that Kobe Bryant (a well-known sports figure) was killed in a plane crash. I shared an article on social media about this because I wanted to hold people in my thoughts who the world most likely would not think of; specifically, people who’d been hurt by him or others in a huge way. And needless to say, I ended up going back to social media to clarify why I’d shared the article I did. What I wrote reads:
Just for clarification purposes, when I posted an article on FB&Twitter earlier that acknowledged a woman who’d been sexually assaulted by Kobe Bryant years ago, I only did so to acknowledge her and other sexual assault survivors; to acknowledge the pain and suffering that they went through and may still go through on a daily basis. That being said, people need to stop acting like I wished ill-will on Kobe Bryant and his loved ones. Sexual assault survivors need to be supported too…and that’s all I meant by posting what I did about this shitty situation.

Someone on Twitter in particular, still couldn’t believe that I’d posted what I had. And I guess the two of us were even with each other, because I couldn’t get how they misunderstood what I’d meant. I then kept seeing that this person was sharing things about people not having tact, when those people shared a similar perspective as me which was annoying. But just as I usually do, I didn’t bother muting such tweets, as I’m fine just ignoring them. I then went to FB and exchanged a few comments with a friend who knows me personally, about this particular situation. This friend of mine understood exactly what I meant which made me feel better because that showed me that my communication wasn’t the problem. But that being said, I guess some people are always going to see things the way they want to see them, even if others try to explain what they actually meant. And sometimes it still just makes me uncomfortable when people misunderstand me, especially when a serious subject matter is the culprit.

Sunday also happened to be the day that I ran out of my monthly medication which sucked. Like, I was wondering why the pharmacy I use hadn’t texted me yet to let me know that said medication was ready to be picked up. Well, when my caretaker went there to pick it up that very day, he was told that there were no more refills available for it. And so once I’d gotten that specific information from him, I logged into the MyChart app that I hadn’t used in awhile. That way I could request that the medical facility I mainly go to, refill said medication for me. But TBH, until then I hadn’t ever used said app for the purpose of requesting medication refills though. So I’m literally going into this blindly, as I have no idea how prompt this medical facility is or if they are even prompt at all. I sure hope this gets resolved ASAP though because if it doesn’t, then I’ll be in a shitty predicament. Because the thing is, this medication literally helps me function; it relieves my physical pain as much as it can which also helps keep my mood stable. And when I say that, I mean that without this medication, I’m in so much physical pain that I become incredibly depressed, to the point where I actually can’t stand myself. And in case you don’t know, being in that spot sucks…and for multiple reasons, at that. And one of those reasons, is because I get headaches from hell. Another reason, is because I sleep horribly, given how much physical pain I’m in. And honestly, all of the shitiness I experience, due to me not having my medication, can be traced back to the horrible amount of pain I’m in, along with the other shitty physical symptoms I experience, like not being able to easily get to the bathroom/toilet and even sometimes having trouble speaking. So needless to say, this medication truly is what gives me life/allows me to live happily, in every sense of the word.

Yesterday the lady who’d cut my hair on Friday, came back to do my nails; and when I say that, I mean that she gave me fake nails. And then in addition to the fake nails, she painted my nails blue. And in case I’ve never said this on my blog before, blue is seriously one of my favorite colors EVER!! But that being said, it’s going to be interesting getting used to having fake nails. I’ve never had them in my life before now, so I wanted to do something that I’ve never done before. And as you may remember if you’ve read my blog for a good amount of time, you know that a huge part of why I left Texas and relocated to a liberal-leaning state, was because I couldn’t be myself in the conservative state of Texas. Now I can, even though the particular town I live in is filled with religious, mostly Christian folks. Because now that I’m used to being able to be my authentic self, there’s no turning back now!!

For the past few days, I’ve been having my caretaker put cinnamon in my coffee, as I’d been wanting to change up the way my coffee tastes for some time now. And as of pretty recently, I’d been thinking about the fact that I’d actually had cinnamon in my coffee before…and loved it. In fact I remember the exact person who’d introduced me to having cinnamon in one’s coffee; and although this person isn’t someone I associate with anymore, I am thankful for the happy times I did have with them, even though those times were a rare occurrence. But seriously, thanks to them for showing me that cinnamon in one’s coffee totally changes the coffee in such a worthwhile way! And also, if it weren’t for me seeing an FB friend’s recent status update about putting peppermint flavoring in their coffee, I may not have remembered about the cinnamon. But I also do, at some point, want to try peppermint flavoring in my coffee because something tells me that I won’t be disappointed with that choice, either.