When I posted my last blog entry, I forgot to talk about how some of the MyChart appp settings are weird. So the first time I’d tried to put in for a medication refill, I submitted a refill request through said app. And then since I didn’t have any luck getting the desired results with that method, I tried another one. The MyChart app has yet another setting that’s called something similar but instead of “request a refill” there was a link called “refill prescriptions.” So I used that link, in the hopes that someone from my primary care clinic would get back with me. But that particular option didn’t provide me with the desired results either. But thankfully that same day that I posted my last blog post, a close friend of mine took me to get a natural partial solution for my chronic pain situation. And what I mean by saying that, is that CBD oil somewhat helps lessen my chronic pain. But that being said, I still have chronic migraines every day which sucks more than words can express. So the last thing I did to hopefully change my situation for the better, was to request for a scheduler from the clinic to contact me about scheduling an appointment; when I’ve done this particular thing in the past, I’ve been unsuccessful. But hopefully this time will be different because I really need for it to be. I’m just glad that the MyChart app continues to be accessible with VoiceOver on my iPhone.
The same day that this friend of mine and I’d went to get CBD oil though, the two of us also went to a local place that serves ice cream and other fast food/drinks. Because I’d been craving chocolate in some form or other…and I was surprised that the ice cream that this particular place had, totally hit the spot. What I’d ordered then, was a chocolate dipped cone with chocolate ice cream on it as well. And I’d never been to this place before, so I had no idea what to expect. But OMFG, I’d totally go there again and get the same exact thing!! In fact I think this place is my new favorite place for ice cream; yes, even better than Cold Stone Creamery, and less expensive than Cold Stone Creamery, at least by a little, I think.
And as if that wasn’t an exciting enough food adventure/adventure over all, that same day, I also tried some limeade or lemonade that my friend had…that also had mint in it. I forget whether it was limeade or lemonade for sure though; but no matter which one it was, I don’t usually like either of those things. But that being said, I’m game to try things at least once, for the most part. And I say for the most part because I’m never going to try oysters, for example. Why? Because I already have an understanding that their texture is slimy and that is more than enough information for me to know that I’d hate them with a passion. And so I bring that up on my blog right now because I’m talking about my likes/dislikes of food. And so when I’d recently tried my friend’s limeade or lemonade that also had mint in it, I’d prepared my friend for the fact that they’d probably see me make a disgusted face as soon as the drink touched my lips. But surprisingly to me, the exact opposite happened: I actually liked the drink’s taste. I don’t know if I could say that I liked it enough that I’d get an entire cup of it myself…but it tasted much better than I was expecting for it to, for sure.
I finished watching Chilling Adventures of Sabrina season three in its entirety. And my thoughts on it that I haven’t talked about here yet, are that this season of the show in particular, was incredibly action-packed. Like, Sabrina was going back and forth between the different realms which included Hell, her life as a high school teenager living with her aunts Hilda and Zelda and lastly, her (Sabrina’s) life at the witch and warlock academy. And to me, the fact that this season of the show alternates between these realms, that definitely makes the show more fun to watch. I mean, at one point in the show, there were multiple Sabrinas; one Sabrina was from the future and another Sabrina was the one in the current time. And how this particular thing even came to be, it happened because the current Sabrina had to fulfill a mission for/within Hell. And so in order for her to complete the mission’s tasks, she figured out that she’d have to go back in time. Because there was a specific thing that Sabrina needed to get, in order for her to be crowned Queen of Hell. And once she’d gotten the gold and taken it back to Hell, it turned out that a bad guy who was named Caliban, one the title of King of Hell. so it was at that point that current Sabrina went to be back with her aunts Hilda and Zelda as well as her cousin whose name was Ambrose. But when Sabrina gets back home, she discovers that both of her aunts are dead…as well as the entire town. And so at that point, she and Ambrose work with one another to come up with a solution to change the things that happen to that town for the better. And thankfully, the two of them do end up figuring out how to go back in time. And when they do so, Sabrina’s Aunts Hilda and Zelda, as well as Sabrina’s friends from the high school she’s been going to, are all brought back to life. And so the show literally ends with all of the townspeople being grateful to be alive and together again.
I then decided to start watching season two of Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. And in doing so, one oF the first things I noticed about this season of the show, was that Sabrina’s friend who went by Susie then, eventually came out as Theo. But I wouldn’t have put two and two together, had I not decided to watch this show backwards. But that being said, it’s interesting to watch Susie’s transformation into Theo…because Harvey and one of his classmates named Rosalind (or Roz for short) have a conversation with each other about how everyone should think of Susie now, in terms of Susie/Theo’s preferred gender. And yet another thing in season two of this show, that I didn’t remember, was the fact that while Sabrina has just started going to the academy for witches and warlocks, she decides to nominate herself for a high position in the academy that’s typically only given to people who identify as men. And of course, her classmates and her teacher at the academy, are all shocked that she’d be so bold as to make such a move right away. But seeing this part of the show a second time around, made me happy because I’m a feminist myself and I’d honestly forgotten about this particular thing even happening in Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. But that being said, the excitement I’d felt didn’t last long, due to the fact that every time Sabrina and Nick, her opponent also trying to become the student at the academy who was in a high position, someone sent evil demons to Sabrina, with the intention of harming her so severely that she wouldn’t be able to participate in the competition. But each time this happened, she (Sabrina) made the demons disappear altogether. But even though she did so, she was still unable to win the title she’d hoped to win, at the academy.
In the season finale of the show I’ve been watching called Emergence, I felt like this particular episode was jam-packed. Like, it seemed like the show’s creators wanted to fit a lot of content into this one episode which I thought did go very well. And I honestly had no idea what to expect for the season finale because there have been so many twists and turns so far, that have thrown me for a loop. For example, in Emergence’s season finale, we the viewers discover that Jo and Alex seem like they’d like to give their marriage/relationship another try. But Alex ends up letting Jo know though, that under no uncertain terms is he going to continue to live in Jo’s house while she (Jo) figures out whether she wants a relationship with anyone at all. And TBH, I was happy to see Alex stand up for himself in this way because he hasn’t really done so before. But also, it felt quite emotional due to the fact that Jo, Alex and Mia (Jo’s daughter) had no idea what was going on with Piper. And it turned out that Bennie and Piper were actually trying to find Jo because the two of them (Bennie and Piper) knew that Helen was looking for Jo…and so Bennie and Piper wanted to find Jo before Helen found Jo herself. And fortunately, Bennie and Piper do find Jo; but immediately after they do so, Bennie and Piper both die. And it is at that point that Alex suggests to Jo that she (Jo) take the bracelet off of Helen’s dead body because said piece of jewelry might be able to help bring Piper back to life. And although Jo seems reluctant to heed this advice of Alex’s, she does so…and doing that exact gesture does in fact bring Piper back to life. But I want to back up for a second, to say that right before Piper dies, she tells Jo that she (Piper) was grateful to have been a part of Jo’s family. And TBH, hearing Piper say that, nearly brought me to tears. And basically, that was how the Emergence season finale ended: with Piper being brought back to life.
Today I watched the Netflix documentary called Taylor Swift: Miss Americana; and to be honest, I was not at all prepared for the wide arrange of emotions that said documentary would take me on. I mean, being an empath as I am, this means I can just feel someone’s energy…and this can happen from time to time, even if I don’t know the person personally…and even if I’m not actually physically near the person. And watching this particular documentary was one time where I felt Taylor Swift’s every emotion and just understood exactly what she’s gone through to get to where she is now. And in addition to me being able to feel her perspective and energy throughout this documentary, I was also experiencing my own life-reflecting of my journey of becoming a Swifty (what Taylor Swift calls her biggest fans). I vividly remember purchasing her debut album for one of my female cousins on my biological dad’s side of the family. I also vividly remember another of my female cousins on my biological dad’s side of the family being a huge fan of Taylor Swift within the first few years that she (Taylor Swift) had burst onto the music scene. At this time, I myself was not a huge fan of Taylor Swift as a whole, though I did love some of her songs like “Teardrops on My Guitar” “Jump Then Fall” and “White Horse.” But in watching Taylor Swift’s documentary Miss Americana, I cried during most of it; the moment I started crying, was when Taylor Swift was on the phone with a woman I think was her manager…and this woman was telling Taylor that she hadn’t even been nominated for Grammy Awards for her album entitled “Reputation.” And I immediately picked up on the fact that when Taylor said the words “I’m fine,” after hearing this news, she in fact, was not fine. She in a sense took it personally that she hadn’t been nominated for any Grammy Awards because her entire career up to that point had been spent with her self-worth being completely tied up in how other people “loved” her. And for my blind friends, I put the word love in quotes in the previous sentence to signify that how others thought of her was literally her entire identity. And so this documentary shows that there eventually came a point where she realized that living that way really hurt her in the end. And in fact she openly talks about how the moment that changed how she lived, was the day that she’d gone to court. Because as she explains in the documentary, the fact she’d so publicly experienced multiple situations in her life where men assaulted and stalked her, showed her how important it was for her to use the platform she has, to help encourage others to speak out about such things. And so then when things were hot and heavy about the possible incoming president in 2016, that was yet another time when Taylor Swift decided to open up about more things that she as a woman herself, stood for, like equality for everyone in the world. And I for one, was happy to see her take public stances on the things that she believes in. To me, these changes in her reflected the fact that she’d grown up, in a huge way. But also, seeing these changes in her really impacted me, especially as a woman myself. I truly came to respect the hell out of Taylor Swift…and I will continue to do so as she, and I, continue to grow as women who are strong for each other as well as for ourselves. And that being said, I’m sure I have a lot more thoughts about Taylor Swift: Miss Americana, as well as my journey as someone who’s come into being a Swifty. But this is all I have for now, because I need more time to process things, after having watched this documentary. Because it truly impacted me in a more profound way than I even thought possible.
I wrote the following thread on Twitter which reads:
I’m still mad about the Kobe Bryant situation; specifically, the fact that a fucking reporter was fired for telling the fucking truth which was that while Kobe may have been a great basketball player and done other great things, he also did something horrific that cannot be…denied or swept under the rug. A person can do some great things, while also doing something horrible/unforgivable; that is a fact. And to those folks who’re saying that Kobe was never convicted of sexual assault, if you’d actually read up on that, you’d know that he paid…the woman/her family what is known as hush money. That means that at one point, Kobe himself willingly acknowledged that the woman in question, as well as himself, flat out had different versions of the sexual experience they’d had with one another. This is also a fact that…can be looked up by folks who do their research just as I’ve done. But that’s not gonna happen by anyone who jumped on me about this; I know this cuz people would rather claim that I have no tact cuz doing that is easy, not to mention quick. But here’s the thing: I’m not the…one who raped someone. I’m not the one who caused a woman irreparable trauma which she’ll still live with, even though Kobe Bryant is dead. To say this truth is not tactless; it’s honest. It’s heartfelt. It’s love: cuz when much of the world doesn’t care to remember this fact, I am someone who does. As a sexual assault survivor/survivor of numerous other kinds of trauma myself, my heart aches at the thought of what this woman and her family will endure for the rest of their days. My heart aches for this woman cuz a well-known man used and abused…his power/status to violate someone in a horrific way that could never, and now that Kobe is dead, will never, be made right for her/her loved ones. IDC who hates this honesty of mine, what I say is true. I wish I could help this lady in some other way than supporting her…via social media. But since I can’t, I’ve just gotta hope that my honesty about this whole situation encourages more folks to do their research to find out the truth about things, rather than wearing their rose-colored glasses, simply cuz doing so is more bearable for them.
I then posted this same exact thing to my personal FB page and ended up engaging with a few of my friends about this situation. The first friend of mine said that I clearly didn’t have empathy for Kobe Bryant’s family. I wrote the following response to that which reads:
You are entitled to your opinion. I feel the way I do and I’m not going to hide it. I will continue to speak out about how I feel, because I believe in the things I say, including this. I know I’m not alone in my thinking and I don’t need everyone to agree with me in order to feel validated.
This friend then said something to me along the lines of “I just wish you’d understand that the author who wrote this article was being heartless, in writing such a thing. The response I wrote to that particular comment reads:
I do understand that that is your opinion. But we could go around and around about this; I wish you and others would have empathy for this poor woman who will have to deal with this unspeakable trauma for the rest of her life. It would do people well to remember her and think of her during this hard time, but it is uncomfortable to think about her so people would prefer to focus elsewhere. That is a huge reason why I speak up…cause it is insensitive not to remember her and to toss her aside.
This friend of mine then tried to convince me that the employer who’d fired this lady for writing such an article, was well within their right to fire her. I wrote the following response to that which reads:
I completely disagree that her employer had every right to fire her. If everyone shit on people because they didn’t like what they said, the world would be nothing. People, including this shitty employer, need to accept that when they hire people, they are hiring them because they believe in the person, whether they agree with them or not. Because as individuals, each human being has a right to their opinions and a right to speak their truth. I too am a writer…and I know that people won’t/don’t agree with things I write about or post on social media about. But that is life. And that is my point, that the underdogs should be supported, not cast aside because the person who harmed them has died. Part of that woman died, I’m sure, when she was assaulted…and that truth needs to be told, heard and believed. Period.
My friend then tried to say something along the lines of “well, what if someone said these types of things about someone you cared about or loved, like Britney Spears?” I wrote this response to them which reads:
People do say things like that Britney Spears is a horrible mom and other things about her, and have done so for years…but the same can be said for numerous other folks. Not everyone likes me as a person but at the end of the day, I love myself and I believe in the things I do/say…so that’s all that matters to me. It’s fine that you/others don’t share my perspective of caring about this woman that Kobe Bryant raped, though I don’t know how you can say I’m the one who lacks empathy…but a difference of opinion doesn’t mean we have to fight or that we can’t be friends.
This friend agreed with me on that point but tried continuing to convince me that I’m wrong for being so honest about the Kobe Bryant situation. It was at that point that I realized that I’d said all I could say to them about this obviously heated subject matter.
The second friend of mine who’d commented on this particular FB status, actually explained to me why they think people have expressed frustration with my stance on this, so soon after Kobe Bryant’s death. And the response I wrote to that friend reads:
I’m sorry if you felt that I was attacking you directly; I honestly was not. You are someone I think highly of and I’m glad to call you a close friend. But I hope you understand where I’m coming from, when I say that my whole non-conformist viewpoint of how I should be in life, is challenge most things, this included. So while I do understand that our culture views me having this conversation now as being toxic/bad, I believe that it is important for me to do so now, simply because as I’ve said, who I am/want to be, is someone who doesn’t just accept things because tradition or any other typical reason to accept things. I want to make people think and part of me doing that in this situation, is getting out of their one state of ‘he died so we should all grieve’, and getting them to think about the other side of the coin, unpleasant as it may be/feel to them.
The third friend of mine who’d commented on this discussion actually expressed their support of me, saying that they understand I find most people’s reactions to this situation to be rediculous: because people are only reacting this way because Kobe Bryant was a well-known person to most of the world. So the response I wrote to that person’s comment reads:
Exactly, FUCK THAT!!! People hate to sit with the discomfort this causes, no matter when I/others bring it up. It matters not, just as you yourself have said, that I’m bringing it up in his death; they wouldn’t want me to have brought it up while he was alive either. They’d say “his wife and kids…” and I’d say “yeah, and the girl he raped.” So yes, it’s highly problematic that people are calling me insensitive!! Thank you for getting me/speaking out along with me. I’m getting pushback probably because I’m a white woman…and you know, we women should know our places…and should NEVER talk about a bad thing someone did…EVER. Because…well, that somehow makes us the villains. Yeah, nope. Just because my bio mom did literally one good thing in her life, create me, that does not mean she should be called mom or that she’s a good person. It literally just means that yes, she did one good thing.
I wrote as good of a description as I could on Facebook of my new look. The description reads:
For my blind/visually impaired friends, the pictures I recently posted of me are of me with a new haircut, with my hair no longer even touching my shoulders. Before this most recent haircut, my hair was maybe about halfway or more down my back. Also, I now have fake nails that our an inch, maybe half an inch, passed my real nails. They are baby blue, if I’m not mistaken; blue is my absolute favorite color.
One of my friends who’s blind, asked for a bit more detail on my new look so I posted the following response to them:
Oh, for my hair, I had like, four inches taken off of it. So it’s now no longer halfway or so down my back but it’s a bit shorter than shoulder-length. My nails are baby blue, with a shiny blue top coat added to them.
Later I wrote a follow-up FB status update which reads:
Fake nails, buh-bye, assholes. Thank you not, for rendering me incapable of using my phone/Bluetooth keyboard. I hated every second of your experience…and I now know that when given the choice between losing functionality and looking pretty, I will choose functionality every time!! That being said, there was no way, prior to me having this experience, that I could’ve known what a hell it’d be…but good riddance to you shithole nails!! 😛
Your number one hater, ME.
When I’d actually written the second FB update though, the fake nails were still partially on my skin. The reason for this happening, was because it hurt me too much, every time the girl who’d done my nails tried to take them off. But that happened on Tuesday; she was able to remove them completely the next day. That being said, the process of her taking them off still hurt quite a bit at times. But I powered through it like the superhero some folks say I am. And then thankfully, my new friend painted my regular nails the same blue color that the fake nails were; but she added a shiny blue color to them too which sounds interesting to me.
I wrote the following FB status update that reads:
There’s all this toxic advice in the world about what to do or not do when each New Year rolls around…but the thing I hate most of all is ‘do more!’ No, folks, do less!! Do less shit out of obligation, do less as a whole because doing less means that you are living in your truth. Do more trusting in yourself because you are enough, just as you are; IDC who tells you otherwise. This year, I plan to give less fucks about who doesn’t like my loud, passionate and at times filthy, mouth. This year, I plan to outwardly be even more of a sex-positive woman than I’ve been in the past. This year, I plan to love even harder, fiercer and enjoy my life even more fully than I have in the past. This year, I plan to continue figuring out who supports every aspect of who I am and who is just…there, encouraging me to focus on the wrong things. This year, I plan to continue finding ways to both energize and reenergize myself, so that I can maximize my awesomeness and other people’s awesomeness too. And don’t be fooled, folks, even though I’ve used the words ‘I plan to’ throughout this writing, I will start living these things right away, if I haven’t started doing so already. Sit with that, folks…and if you want to change something in your own life, do so now…because right now is all we have.
In the childfree FB group I’m in, someone posted a topic wondering if they are the only ones who tolerate kids. And the response I wrote to said topic reads:
Kids like me and I’m good with them, so people equate that to me loving kids/wanting to have them myself. But I neither want to have kids, nor can I stand most kids. I’m only replying to this topic because I think it’s important to speak out about the fact that just because someone is good, kind ETC to kids, those things don’t necessarily reflect how said person feels about kids as a whole…