Going back to school, podcast thoughts, more thoughts on Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, living as a childfree person and some minor ranting

Something in my second time continuing to watch season two of Chilling Adventures of Sabrina that stands out to me, is that whatever happens at Baxter High (the high school that Sabrina and her human friends attend) closely mirrors what happens at The Academy of Unseen Arts. And so for example, when Baxter High students are studying Romeo and Juliet so that they can perform said play for their entire class, students at The Academy of Unseen Arts are also practicing a play with each other that they are going to perform for the entire school. And the thing that makes this so significant, is that the Dark Lord has come to Sabrina when she’s at her home…and he’s asked her to do something bad as a way to prove her loyalty to him. Because the thing is, Sabrina had signed The Book of The Beast AKA the Dark Lord’s Bible. And in performing that particular gesture, she’s committed herself to the Dark Lord forever. And so this is why, when she outwardly refuses to do the first bad thing that he wants her to do, she and her loved ones/friends suffer awful consequences, one of which is the Dark Lord putting a claw on Sabrina’s ex-boyfriend Harvey’s chest.

And interestingly the way in which we as the viewers learn this bit of information, is through the fact that Sabrina and Harvey end up having to be partners with each other for Romeo and Juliet that’s being put on by Baxter High. And in this particular scene where the two of them are practicing their lines, both of them get to a point where they’re overcome with the romantic feelings that they still have for each other. And personally, I think this scene is hot. But I wish that it had been even hotter; like, I think it would’ve been great to see them having sex and enjoying each other as human beings/animals.

In the episode of Hidden Brain that I’d recently talked about regarding plot twists, Shankar Vedantam and the lady he was talking to, discussed how another movie could be tied in with this particular conversation. This movie was called Usual Suspects; and one of the first things I need to make you all aware of, is that this story is about a criminal that the police are trying to find. And it turns out that the man who’s narrating the story, is the man the police are looking for. But this man himself, isn’t even aware of that; or at least, we as the viewers are lead to believe he isn’t. And yet another thing in Usual Suspects that’s meant to play a trick on the viewers, is the fact that the narrator appears to be physically disabled throughout most of the movie. But at the end of the movie, this same character can be seen walking without any difficulty which as the woman who’s a guest on this Hidden Brain episode points out, the writers of this movie did because they know that most people think of folks with disabilities as less than, simply because we’re disabled. And it makes sense to my mind that writers and such would think to do this because it is very true. And in fact, one of the biggest reasons that I’ve created this blog, is because I believe that many of the things that I have to say, are not said by many folks…and so I think that’s what makes it urgent for me to want to get my message out there constantly, no matter what it is I’m talking about.

And speaking of Hidden Brain, I noticed that there are still several episodes of this show that I haven’t played in full; and yet other Hidden Brain episodes I just flat out can’t remember if I’d ever finished in their entirety. And so I just wanted you folks to know that I’ll be listening to those episodes from the beginning, from this point forward. Thankfully there aren’t so many Hidden Brain episodes that it seems like I’ll never catch up…but at the same time, I’ll admit that I’m a bit nervous about how long it’ll take me to finish catching up with said podcast. LOL, I know that probably sounds weird. And I’m also trying to figure out how I’d even gotten behind on the Hidden Brain podcast to begin with; but honestly, I don’t even have a clue. LOL.

The Twitter account called BlindUnfiltered that I’ve written about here before, recently posted that the person who runs that account feels too overwhelmed. They explained to folks that there are numerous people criticizing them and trying to make their life difficult…and that they don’t want to continue to deal with that. And a big part of me applauds this person for knowing themselves and not being afraid to say exactly what they both need and want. But on the other hand, that particular Twitter account provided me with a lot of joy. So I’m definitely going to miss it, if it does get discontinued for good.

On Twitter, one of my followers on that particular social media platform recently tweeted something saying that Dunkaroos cookies are coming back. I tweeted Dunkaroos on Twitter, saying:
You were seriously my favorite cookies as a kid!! I’m 32 now&I’m a lil nervous I must say, about whether they’ll taste as amazing as they did when I was a kid. But I swear, I say all this with so much love in my heart and oh, how I hope you still rock my tastebuds.

In the Blind Bitching FB group, someone posted about how they feel that having group moderators will totally ruin the group. The response I wrote to that reads:
I’m with (name omitted) here 100%. Who the fuck is to say what bullying is? If the person who’d created this group or one of the other moderators doesn’t like an opinion from say, me, they could just block me or say I’m being a bully, just because they don’t like what I have to say. And if that’s the case, I definitely want to be told where else to go…cause that is rediculous. We’re all adults here…we don’t fucking need babysitters!!

A little while after I’d posted that comment in said group though, I decided to leave the group altogether. Because I’m at a point in my life where I fully understand that some things are only meant to stay in our lives for a short amount of time. And one such thing for me, was this Blind Bitching FB group. Because TBH, when I’d first joined said group, it was very different than it is now. And what I mean in saying that, is that given the fact that there are moderators in the group who have flat out said that they want to pay attention to the things that people say, and given the fact that what constitutes as bullying to one person, may be very different to another person, both of these things mean censorship to me. And so as I’ve said before on my blog and in this particular group, we’re all adults; we don’t fucking need to be treated as if we can’t handle our emotions. And these things are why I don’t want to be part of a group who polices folks in this way. Because this kinda treatment is incredibly unhealthy.

In the FB group Childfree by Choice, someone made a topic explaining that a relative of theirs who has kids, continually tries to make the original poster of this topic feel guilty for not having children themselves. I wrote:
It really bothers the fuck out of me that women who have children, who as you even said yourself, consciously decided to create/keep those children of theirs, try to make us CF folks feel like we’re the assholes for telling them the truth. So no, you were not in the wrong here; I’m totally with you!!

In another thread in this CF group that someone created, the person talked about how someone who has a child, wanted to become a member of this group. The response I wrote to this thread reads:
Sounds like this person is experiencing regret at having a crotch goblin. Good on you for rejecting them; they should know better than to come to a CF group for support–after all, it isn’t our burden to carry/to cater to them. I’m sure they/anyone who feels as this person does, can find FB groups/Meetup groups or something that are strictly for folks who regret having kids. Color me harsh…but there ya have it.

In yet another topic in this particular FB group, someone posted about the frustration they experience when people tell them that there will come a time when they’ll want to have kids. The response I wrote to that thread reads:
It is highly annoying when people say this kind of thing to me too. And I’ve never actually told someone this, but maybe next time I have an opportunity to do so, I’ll say to them something like “you aren’t in my head, nor have you lived the life I live…but mostly, you don’t pay my bills so STFU.” Or even simpler, when they say “you’ll change your mind” or other similar demeaning bullshit, say “got it” and then walk away. That’ll shut them down real quick.

In the FB group I’m in that’s called LGBT+ Pen Pals, the person who runs said group made a post about people complaining about the fact that they sometimes receive letters from pen pals that are typed rather than written by hand. This person said that they hadn’t actually seen this happening in this group particularly but that they wanted to clarify this anyway. The response I wrote to this thread reads:
Thank you for posting this. Also, I would urge people to consider the fact that the reason people may type letters up is because they are blind and literally cannot write. Some blind people may have been taught to write, but some of us have not been taught to. So it is awfully judgmental of people to gripe because people type; compassion goes a long way, folks!!

Today was the second day of school this semester but *my* first day of school. And when I’d called the transportation company that provides transportation for disabled and elderly people the day before, they were able to schedule for me to be picked up from home…but they didn’t have any drivers available to take me home, after my class had finished. And so I immediately figured out an alternative which was having one of my local best friends pick me up from school. My caretaker was even able to take me to school which was nice because that meant that I wouldn’t have to leave my house quite so early, as the paratransit company would’ve required me to do, if they’d been the ones to pick me up. My caretaker was even able to help me to my class; but first, the two of us went into the Administration building to ask a staff member or a student worker exactly where my classroom would be located.

And although I’d arrived to class a few minutes late, I didn’t miss anything. The professor was actually giving us the students a pop quiz to see how much (or how little) we knew about Deaf culture. But this quiz wasn’t at all meant to dehumanize us for not knowing correct answers to the questions that were asked of us. But rather, this pop quiz was used by our instructor so that they could determine whether they’d need to explain even the most basic of concepts to us or whether they could start from us already having some knowledge. But it turned out that they started from us as students having no knowledge whatsoever. But the great thing was that after every single question, the professor went through every possible multiple choice answer and explained why each one was right or wrong. And that was incredibly helpful to this student, at least! And surprisingly, even though there were only 14 or 15 questions on this pop quiz, it took a bit of time for us to go through everything because as I’d said, the professor really took the time to give us thoughtful, eye-opening answers. Yes, I as a blind person just said I had an eye-opening experience; that is not just a literal expression but also, it’s a figure of speech that I’m sure I’ll use a lot in the future, as well.

But before I go any further, I want to back up for a second. Yesterday evening I used the MyChart app to communicate with my Primary Care Provider. I wanted to ask them when I should make a follow-up appointment to see them; and then this afternoon someone called me from the clinic to schedule an appointment. So I guess whenever it was that I’d initially called the clinic, actually got to someone who then returned my call. And so I now have an appointment to see my PCP later this month which I’m happy about.

But going back to my first day of school today, after class was over, I stayed a little while longer. That way, my professor could catch me up on what I’d missed in the first class on Monday. And so that conversation between the two of us mostly consisted of them going over the syllabus with me. But also, the two of us talked about some ways that my professor could help ensure that I have support in the classroom as well. So they asked me if I’d be alright with them talking to the entire class next week and I said that I would. I made sure that they knew that being blind is a part of my identity; I’m not sightless, visually impaired, differently-abled or any ableist term that’s designed by able-bodied sighted people to make *themselves* feel more comfortable. I’m also disabled; having disabilities other than blindness is also a part of my identity. The words “disabled” and “disability” are not dirty words–they are my lived reality. Calling them something else is flat out disrespectful to me, most especially if you’ve already been told by me why you overthinking this and choosing *not* to listen to me, is harmful. Similarly, we also discussed that being in a situation like this where I won’t know the correct form for signing things, has been something I’ve been thinking about lately. And so when I’m in this specific classroom setting or if I’m at deaf events with classmates or interpreters, I totally wouldn’t mind people I know touching me to physically show me how to have the correct form for ASL. And then while we were at it, I asked my professor if they’d mind me feeling their face so that I could feel with my hands what them making certain facial expressions actually felt like. And TBH, I’d initially thought that I’d hate feeling people’s faces, even in this particular context. Because I’m sure that many of you have seen movies or TV shows where blind people feel other people’s faces. And quite frankly, that’s just done for show. I say that because all faces feel the same as one another. But when the context behind why a blind person needs to feel a face changes, that fact alone helps shift that blind person’s perspective. At least, it certainly did so for me.

Once I’d gotten home from school today I wrote the following FB status which reads:
OK, so last week, you all may remember that I was freaking out because I didn’t have my textbooks for school in an accessible format. You may also remember that last week, I was deathly ill, and therefore incapable of thinking of resources to check for said textbooks. But just now, I checked Bookshare…and I found both of my textbooks for ASL 1. I feel great and like I really have evidence to show OSD how serious I truly am about making this happen for myself. I cannot wait to meet with them and tell them the things I’ve done since they’ve told me numerous times that they won’t support me. And you know something, I gotta say, my bio mom was onto something when she used to call me Mrs. Prepared. I still am Mrs. Prepared 🙂 😌 😉

I realize that this blog post goes back and forth from one day to the next a bit more than usual, but I’m hopeful that that doesn’t confuse people. Because I’m structuring this blog post the best I know how, especially given that there’s a lot of information in it. And so now that I’m back in school and active, sometimes things will happen on one day that don’t always have a solution that day…and so then those things will carry into the next day or even the next week or even the next month.