More Britney: The Zone thoughts, Hidden Brain and Netflix show thoughts, being childfree and school craziness

In the Britney: The Zone event I recently went to, something I forgot to mention about the classroom sett-up they’d had at said event, was that there were lockers in said room. And you could open up the lockers and hear Britney sing a few random notes which I thought was cool. There was also a telephone in the airplane room; and then when the telephone rang and you picked it up, you could hear Britney say the phrase “it’s Britney, bitch!”

In the Childfree by Choice FB group, someone created a thread asking us members whether we regretted having a procedure like Tubal Ligation. Whwat I wrote in response to that thread reads:
I’m 32 and had my tubes tied when I was in my mid-20s. From the time I first talked to my doctor about having a Tubal Ligation to now, I haven’t regretted making this decision even for one second. In fact, more often than not, there are times when I’m reminded of what a relief it is to not have to worry about myself becoming pregnant. So you are not alone in your feelings of elation, sis!! We are awesome for being so responsible as to know exactly what we want and to then go for that…and unapologetically, at that.

I wrote the following post in the FB group that’s called Have a Gay Day. My post reads:
So I’ve done this 1000 times, where I’ll go to the “create a post” link in this group, start typing something out and then discard the post. But I’m making myself write here, for real, now. While I’ve always known that I’m a lesbian, I’ve only actually been out and proud about this part of my truth for two years. And people say things often to me like “I believe your special woman is out there.” And TBH, I feel like that’s just something folks say to people…just as something to say as a filler. I’m 32 years old and I’m not getting any younger…yet the days go by. And I’m still single as can be. I have a lot of love to both give and receive, I’m a fun outgoing person who loves humanity and lives life to the fullest…but single I remain. So I’m just posting here, I guess, cause I have nowhere else to go. But this sucks, it really, really sucks…cause I’m a confident person who lights up whatever environment I’m in, no matter where I am. But that being said, there is a small part of me that feels a little hopeful that I’ll find my forever girl, sooner rather than later…

Some of the comments people posted in response to what I’d written on this thread, were great. In particular, one commenter said something along the lines of “the way things often work for those of us in the LGBTQ+ community, can be very different from what heterosexual folks experience. What I mean, is that love happens for us much later in our lives. So while heterosexual folks have lots of chances to not only look for love but also, to date around, that isn’t necessarily true for those of us who aren’t heterosexual. So while I understand that you feel old, not having found your true love and thinking that you’re at a disadvantage because you’re in your 30s, I hope you keep putting yourself out there. Because who we are often makes this part of our lives incredibly difficult…and can make true love come much later in life for us…but there truly is no rush for you to find her.” And I get that that’s true but an irony that I pointed out to other people’s responses to this post of mine, was that it was easy peasy for me to find guys to date, for all the years I’ve dated men…but that I’ve had no luck whatsoever, when it comes to finding women to date. Ugh, this whole process is agonizing!!

I recently watched a Netflix original show that’s called I Am Not OK with This. Said show is about a girl named Sydney (or Syd for short) who’s trying to make it through high school. But the thing that makes that an incredibly difficult task for her, is the fact that she realizes pretty quickly that she has a rare gift. And what I mean by that, is that she has the ability to literally move things with her mind; and this particular ability of hers typically shows itself when she’s experiencing a hightened emotion like anger. And so, in the very first episode of this show, we the viewers see Syd lose her temper because a boy from her school was being a bully. And so, how she handled that situation, was to make something happen to him so that he’d leave her alone. But unfortunately for Sydney’s sake, this same guy actually taunts her throughout this show’s first and only season so far.

But that being said, the main reason that I watched this show in its entirety, is because I thought it might have some decent LGBTQ+ representation in it. And it definitely did have some of that, but nowhere near the amount of it that I would’ve liked to see. I mean, I would’ve loved for it to feature scenes of Syd and her best friend Dina becoming girlfriends or at least exchanging more than one kiss with each other. But instead, all we the viewers got to see, was watching Dina have a slight interaction with Syd where she (Dina) made Syd aware that she (Dina) didn’t mind the fact that Syd had kissed her. I also would’ve liked to see Maggy, Syd’s mom, interact more one-on-one with Syd, especially where Syd’s dad was concerned. Like, I get that everyone in that family is trying to move on from Syd’s and her brother Liam’s dad’s death…but I honestly feel like the show rushes through things, rather than allowing time for things to actually develop into something that’s actually authentic. So needless to say, I won’t be surprised if this show doesn’t get renewed for another season.

In a Hidden Brain episode that I recently listened to, its host Shankar Vedantam talked about how in life, many of us human beings approach having a meaningful life, incorrectly. And what’s meant by that, is that society teaches us that there’s only one path that we can take. And TBH, this frame of mind leaves many of us feeling incredibly frustrated with ourselves because that one thing we’ve chosen as our “right” path, doesn’t come to us as simply as we feel it should…or we feel like we’ve actually made the wrong decision because the form our chosen thing actually comes in is different than what we’d expected it to be. And so, what this Hidden Brain episode encouraged us human beings to do, is to allow ourselves to figure out multiple plans for our lives that we can all incorporate into the one big thing that we’ve also chosen to do. So to give a couple examples of this shift in thinking about my own life, in late 2017 when I’d first chosen to create a life for myself that I loved/that was also totally of my own making, I thought that relocating from Texas to another state, would be a great first step for me. And it certainly was both of those things; but also, after relocating, I knew that in my future, I’d want to continue to find things that I could do in my life that made me happy/that also put me first. And again, I continue doing exactly that!! And now that I’ve started this positive change in my life, I won’t ever go back to the way I used to not think of myself at all.

In another Hidden Brain episode I listened to recently, Shankar Vedantam talked with several people about a way of thinking about crime that’s been both harmful and helpful in our world. This idea is called the “Broken Windows” theory and said theory essentially shows that when folks live in awful crime-ridden neighborhoods, more crime actually happens in those areas. Whereas when it comes to nicer areas, as a general rule, less crime takes place there. But in this episode of Hidden Brain, the thing we learn is a major downside to this particular theory, is that this can lead to policemen making irrational decisions for much of the time. And in fact, the story that Shankar Vedantam talks about this happening with, was the story of Eric Garner. And TBH, I remember this particular story getting tons and tons of media coverage myself…but until I took a class on the introduction to sociology, I didn’t really grasp the depth of the story, including not understanding why the story was so infuriating to so many people.

So for anyone who doesn’t know anything about this particular thing/for anyone who’s curious, this story goes as follows: Eric Garner being a black man, was walking somewhere by himself…and he ended up getting stopped by policemen who found him suspicious, due to the color of his skin. And in the audio that’s played on Hidden Brain, we hear Eric Garner saying something to the policemen along the lines of “look, I’ve told you I’m just on my way home. Please let me go, without giving me any trouble.” But unfortunately for Eric Garner’s sake, the policemen ended up killing him. And the reason that this particular story received so much news coverage, was because many people believed that how the policemen handled the Eric Garner situation, as well as other similar situations that have happened since that one, was both brutal and unnecessary. And now that I have a much better understanding of the way our world works/the way that racism in particular functions and has functioned in US society in the past, I count myself among the people who are heartbroken that such a thing has happened…and repeatedly, at that. It breaks my heart, every time I read about it or talk about it with someone. And while I know that it’s idealistic to wish this sort of thing away, I do absolutely wish this sort of thing away…completely!!

In yet another Hidden Brain episode, Shankar Vedantam talked with someone about the prison system here in the US. Shankar and this person discussed the fact that much of society is of the opinion that everyone who’s in prisons, are there because they deserve to be. But one thing that this guest on Hidden Brain points out, is that there are folks in prisons who are there because they are somehow a drain on society; pregnant women, transgender individuals, folks who are otherwise threatening or unfit to live in society, are all groups that are currently locked up in jails. And TBH, I hadn’t ever thought about this being true, prior to listening to this episode of Hidden Brain. But that being said, also thanks to the introduction to sociology course I’ve taken in college, I’ve learned to think critically about folks in prisons, rather than judging them harshly, the way I once did.

Within the last week, my caretaker picked up the form that he’d brought to my provider’s office, for my provider to sign. This form was regarding me getting a handicap placard for myself which has been something I’ve wanted to get done ever since I’ve relocated to a new state. And so, if I’m not mistaken, the last time I wrote about this in my blog, was when I’d received a phone call from my provider’s assistant, informing me that this form was ready to be picked up/taken to a local DMV. And so, when my caretaker had gotten the signed form back, he was kind enough to go ahead and take it to the DMV right then. I was happy about this because it’s been so long since I’ve been here in this particular state…and me having this placard will really make things much easier on me/the people I hang out with who also happen to drive me places. And thankfully, at least according to what my caretaker told me, I should actually receive this handicap placard within the next week or two. So we’ll see how long it actually takes to get from the DMV to my house.

This past Wednesday while I was in class, my phone made the text message alert sound that I’ve assigned as my default sound. And in case anyone is curious, my text alert sound is the choo choo train; I love trains and I always have. What I also love about this particular alert tone though, is that it’s one that isn’t popular. Like, I can honestly say that I’ve never heard this tone used on anyone else’s phone. I’ve heard just about every other alert tone used on people’s phones, though.

But going back to my text message alert tone going off when I was in class this past Wednesday, I didn’t actually find out who that message was from, until after I’d gotten out of class. And it turned out that it was someone I know, who’d let me know that Timecrest had finally released its new update. And since the internet at my school’s smaller campus runs pretty fast, I played the game for a bit, until my ride arrived to take me back home. And something about this new Timecrest update that I noticed was not there before, was that some details had been added, to make the story even better. But at first, I wasn’t sure whether it had just been so long that I’d played the game that I’d forgotten some of the game’s storyline…or if I was correct in thinking that they’d added more details. So I tweeted Timecrest asking them that very question. In said tweet, I also gave them an example of something I’d seen that I didn’t remember seeing before…and that’s when they responded to my tweet and told me that I wasn’t crazy!! LOL.

Thursday morning I was browsing social media; I can’t remember whether it was Twitter or Facebook, though. But what I do remember clearly about this, was that I read that Elizabeth Warren had dropped out of the upcoming presidential race. And to say that I was heartbroken all day about this, is definitely an understatement. Because just in the last blog entry I’d posted, I talked about how excited I was at the thought of having a woman as a US President. I believed in the campaign that Elizabeth Warren had created for herself; and she was seriously the only candidate running this time, who I was excited about. Like, the level of excitement that I felt about her being in this race, was similar to how excited I’d felt about Barack Obama becoming a US President. And so now that Elizabeth Warren is out of this race, I’m honestly not one bit interested in what the other candidates may have to offer. And while I’m trying to move forward excitedly about what Elizabeth Warren will do in the senate, as I know she’ll still do great things. But that being said, my heart is still broken over this happening…and IDK how long that will last.

When I’d gotten to school that same morning, I went to the Financial Aid Office, the Cashier’s Office and the Admissions and Records Office. I wanted to make sure that I made my physical address current, as I’d remembered that my physical address was still the one I’d first moved to, when I very first came to this particular state. I hadn’t been able to change it any sooner because I either kept forgetting to do so or I wasn’t at school because I’d gotten incredibly sick. And also, the smaller campus that I’m going to for this semester doesn’t have the same resources that the bigger campus does which also didn’t help my situation any. But thankfully, my physical address has been fixed, now, through me going to Admissions and Records. I then went to the Cashier’s Office to make sure that my payments would get to me in a format I preferred; and lastly, I went to the Financial Aid Office to find out why there was a hold on my account. And it turned out that my money that was supposed to get to me for this spring semester had been suspended because I’d dropped my class suddenly, in the spring of last year. And so, the person who’d helped me get to the bottom of this gave me a form to fill out and told me to get supporting documentation from the medical professionals I saw at that time. And then once I have both of those things attached to one another, I can give them to the Financial Aid Office as my appeal for this decision.

Shortly after those important things had been taken care of, my assistant and I worked on uploading some videos to the Go React app that my professor has us students use. And unfortunately, only one of the two videos actually uploaded; this was frustrating as fuck to my assistant and I because we’d talked with my professor literally the previous day about this very issue. Because earlier this week, my assistant and I’d learned that one or two videos that we’d attempted to upload using said app, didn’t upload fully. And making that discovery earlier this week was disheartening because we didn’t get any kinda error message last week, when we’d tried to upload said videos. And so, even though the technical issue that happened the second time around was different, the same thing still applied, where turning in my homework that was video-related, was not going to be easy. And the thing was, that the second time around, my assistant and I tried uploading the video using a borrowed laptop from school…but even that didn’t solve this problem. So as a last resort kinda thing, I sent an email to my professor with the latest technical problems update, in the hopes that they’d either check it out for themselves or allow me to submit the video through attaching it in an email attachment. So hopefully, something will work out for this shitty situation, sooner rather than later.

When I’d gone to the Cashier’s Office earlier that day, I decided to ask the person helping me why us students had to pay for health services that our school makes available to us, when some of us don’t actually need such services. The person said that paying for such a service was just the rules but that I could certainly challenge the powers that be. So I told her that I’d like to do that and immediately asked her what to do next. And so once she’d given me the person’s name that I needed to try and talk to, I went to where this person’s office was located. And surprisingly, when I’d told someone what I’d come there for help with, this person gave me some paperwork to fill out, which my assistant and I completed right then and there. And once I’d filled that out, I was told that it would be a waiting game but that I should most likely receive an email response about the decision/whether I’ll need to take any additional steps. However even if the answer to this decision isn’t one that I’d want, at least I took this opportunity to stand up for myself. I think that that aspect of this experience was great, if only for my own personal growth. Because the truth is, personal growth is something I’m a huge fan of, both as it relates to myself as well as others sharing in this mind-set.