I was recently featured as a guest on someone’s blog. This particular guest post of mine was something I wrote giving folks advice about their choices in their lives as it relates to whether or not to attend college. I’m proud of all of the guest posts I’ve written and this one is no exception!! If you want to read what I have to say this time around, the direct link to the post can be found at:
Monday morning my assistant and I worked on some more of my homework for ASL one. And the reason I’m mentioning this now, is because there’s something about this particular experience that I’ve forgotten to mention…and that is that some of my classmates also seem to do their homework at the same exact time as me, on Mondays and Wednesday mornings. So there are times more often than not, when my assistant and I have to wait around because people are using the book and the DVD that’s used for this particular class. But that being said, I honestly don’t mind waiting, in these instances, because at least I’m not sitting at home feeling like I’m an unproductive member of society.
Yesterday afternoon I went to see my therapist. I hadn’t seen them in awhile though, because so much had happened in my life since August of last year…from minor things to major ones, that I unintentionally neglected my own self-care. But that being said, since it had been so long since I’d seen my therapist, I was told that we’d have to basically start fresh. This was frustrating to me because I could’ve told them myself exactly what we’d last discussed…because my memory really is that good. But I did explain to them what’s gone on in my life and thankfully, they understood why I’d dropped the ball on my own medical care. And one productive thing about this visit though, was the fact that my therapist and I talked with one another about how it would be easiest on me if I could have therapy on the same days that I see my primary care doctor. Because both of those doctors are in the same building as one another. I also explained to my therapist that it starts to get overwhelming for me when I have so many medical appointments to go to, that I feel like that and school, are literally all my life consists of. And thankfully, they understood that and were able to work with those stipulations of mine.
Since I never know how long I’m going to be at that medical clinic though, I always tell the transportation company that I’ll call them after I’ve met with the person I’m supposed to see there. I do this because I of course can never predict what my visit will be like or how behind the staff may be with other patients, paperwork ETC. But that being said, this means that sometimes the transportation company doesn’t pick me up from the clinic for an hour or more. So I’m stuck there until then, just being bored as fuck. Because there’s no guest Wi-Fi which means I can’t use my phone very much. I mean, I’m sure I wouldn’t go over the amount of data that I have…but I’m always paranoid that I will. So I just use data on my phone sparingly, whenever I’m at any doctor’s office. But this particular time, I thought I’d open Timecrest (the game on my phone that I love) to see if using said game required Wi-Fi. And thankfully, it turned out that I could go through the story, at least in part, without actually having internet access. But I’d also forgotten to bring my headphones with me so I didn’t want to hold the phone up to my ear for very long. But that being said, at least I know that I can play Timecrest, whenever I’m in that kinda environment, now.
I recently watched a Netflix original show that’s called Locke and Key. This show is about a family with the last name Locke and said family discovers that the house they’ve just moved to has magical objects in it, along with actual magical powers. The reason that the Locke Family had moved to this specific house in the first place though, was because the Locke children’s father had lived in this house when he was a kid. And so, being that their father had recently died, their mom had thought that moving to her dead husband’s childhood house would provide the family as a whole with answers they sought. But what the Locke children ended up finding, as I said, were a house with magical ability and keys that did different magic-related things. Some of the things that the keys did, were allow people to change their identity, allow people to look in each other’s heads and even allow people to turn into ghosts. There were three Locke children; one’s name was Bodie, another’s name was Tyler and the last one’s name was Kenzie. Their mom’s name was Nina; and this show was basically about the Locke kids figuring out what each key’s power was and then figuring out how to incorporate the keys’ powers into their lives. And it turned out that they ended up using some of the keys as weapons because they had to fight a demon-type thing that was trying to steal all of the keys for itself. And that being said, the show was good. It wasn’t one of my favorite shows but I’d definitely watch it, if another season was released.
And to my thinking, another season of this show should be released because although the Locke kids and a few of their friends were under the impression that they’d put the demon creature back in its rightful place, I’m pretty sure that that isn’t what actually happened. And what I think actually happened, was that the Locke kids and their friends killed one of the moms of their (the friends of the Lock kids). And I think that this is what happened because this kid’s mom was apparently a shape-shifter, similarly to the way the demon-creature was a shape-shifter. But this mom whose name was Ellie, never let the Locke kids or any of their friends know that bit of information. But I vividly remember that at one point in the show, one of the kids said something like “wait, I have a feeling that this isn’t the actual demon-creature that we’re aiming to kill.” And afterwards, the only thing that happened, was that all of the other children seemed certain that nothing had gone wrong. And that was literally how this show ended…and that’s why I bet there will be another season of it in the future.
In a recent Hidden Brain episode that I listened to, the host Shankar Vedantam told a story about someone who works at NPR, National Public Radio, who was trying to stop smoking. The person who was trying to stop this disgusting habit’s name is Max; and the helpful pointers that Shankar Vedantam provided him (Max) with, were great. Shankar suggested that Max surround himself with people who have also been smokers…but who have also stopped smoking. Shankar also suggested that Max find other things to fill his life with, that brought joy to him. And so, even though I’m someone whose never even smoked once myself, I can think about the social opportunities that being a smoker provides people. And again, even though I don’t identify with this particular habit of people’s, I’m certainly proud of anyone who’s trying to change their life for the better, where not smoking any more is concerned.
In a recent episode of the podcast Love Someone with Delilah, the host Delilah talks to a man who was a musician but who then suffered an accident that left him somewhat paralyzed. But before I go on, I want to stop to point out an ironic thing about this season of Delilah’s podcast which is the fact that for someone whose main goal is to highlight good things/good people in the world who are doing what they can to make the world a better place, this episode in particular, left a lot to be desired on that front. Because Delilah mainly discussed David’s accident/held him out as inspiration porn. And as you dear readers know, or should know by now, if you’ve read my blog for awhile, inspiration porn is literally one of the things I hate most in the entire world. Like, shit happens to us in life, no matter who we are. Absolutely no one is immune from becoming disabled at any moment…but more often than not, folks live like the opposite is true. And as someone who’s been disabled from birth myself, I can attest to the fact that the reasons I’m amazing, are not because I live a fully functional life. And so, when I heard this episode of Love Someone with Delilah, I was cringing the entire way through the listen. Like, I’m seriously fucking surprised that my ears weren’t bleeding out!!
And TBH, shit like inspiration porn/shattering misconceptions about what it’s like to live with disabilities, is a huge reason why I started blogging publicly. Because over the years, I’ve gained all kinds of experiences that help showcase why I live the way I do. And while there are a lot of blogs that write about living with disabilities, other folks are not necessarily as straightforward as I am. Like, many folks use the words “visually impaired” when they speak about blind people. In fact Delilah herself uses the term “special needs” to refer to people with disabilities. And both of these terms are harmful because they’ve been chosen by able-bodied people. And also, these terms make able-bodied people feel comfortable with something, disabilities, that make them uncomfortable. And the thing is, society should not listen to able-bodied folks about how to speak about people with disabilities. Society should listen to disabled folks because they, because we, know best how we choose/want to move through the world. So if we, as disabled folks, don’t use the term “handicapped” to describe our experiences, then you shouldn’t do so either. If I as a blind person refer to myself/other blind folks as just that, blind, follow my lead, period!! Follow my lead, whether it makes you comfortable or not…and while you are at it, be willing to also sit with your discomfort for more than a few seconds.
In the Childfree by Choice FB group, someone posted a topic asking members what forms of birth control we use. The response I wrote to that thread reads:
I was on the pill for several years and for the most part, I had no weird side effects except weight gain. I had a tubal ligation done in December 2013, but even so, I stayed on the pill for a couple more years because it regulated my period. But then in June/July 2018, I ended up getting hospitalized for two weeks, due to apparently getting Pelvic Inflammatory Disease…which was due to the wrong hormonal combo in the pill, which my insurance company had changed without telling me. But the thing was, I’d had so few negative side effects from the pill as I’d said, that I just never worried or thought about the possibility that being given the wrong hormone combo could nearly kill me. Well, I learned that lesson the hard way and that experience petrified me so much that I haven’t/won’t touch the pill in any form ever again. Tubal Ligation FTW!!
For anyone who doesn’t know, FTW stands for “for the win.”
In the same FB group, someone who’d unexpectedly become disabled asked if group members had had awful experiences with entitled parents, where their disabilities are concerned. What I wrote in response to this person’s thread reads:
I’ve been multiply disabled since birth (I’m 32 years old) and while I’m sorry to say this, what you’ve experienced is common for those of us who are disabled. And unfortunately, it doesn’t matter whether we are talking about entitled parents, professionals in the medical field or otherwise well-meaning folks; ableism is alive and well. And that sucks more than I can express, which I’m sure that you may also know…but the only kind words I have to offer you are that I get it…and I’m here if you need or want a friend. Hugs.
In this same FB group, I posted a topic saying that any time I read about celebrities wanting kids/being pregnant, or every time I read about people I know having kids in real life (IRL) a huge part of me dies inside. Because thinking about the fact that women mostly feel like their worth is tied up in their vagina being able to pop out children, really hurts my soul. Because for one thing, our world is already overpopulated, as it is. And for another thing, I just don’t believe that most people are good parents. Like, it’s quite popular for people to believe that them spanking their kids is an OK discipline method. But it isn’t; not even just a little. And so, the fact that many folks spank their kids, makes me lose respect for them…because spanking doesn’t teach children anything, except that they should fear their parents/that their parents are bigger and more powerful than they (the children) are. Because the thing that people might not think of, or maybe they do think about it but they just don’t care about it, is that them using their words and explaining to their children when they (their children) have done something wrong, would impact their kids in a huge way, far more than spanking their kids would. But that being said, it seems that some people’s impulse is so strong that they just smack their children in the moment out of anger or some other heightened emotion.
Also in this group, someone created a thread about having forgiven abusers of theirs; they also asked us members if we’d done the same with folks in our lives. The response I wrote to that thread reads:
I think forgiveness is complicated/that it looks different for everyone. For me, for example, I ultimately forgave myself for putting up with my toxic bio mom’s and other family members of origin’s abuse for nearly all of my life so far. And TBH, I bring this up because much of society shoves down our throats that we should forgive abusers, people who have done unforgivable, horrific things…but no one ever wants to talk about forgiving ourselves for the ways in which we misunderstood our worth as individuals. So I’m bringing that up…and also, I’m saying fuck my toxic abusers. I don’t want anything from them, and I love myself enough to never welcome them into my life for any reason ever again.
Someone responded to that comment of mine, saying something along the lines of “what’s more toxic than human beings holding onto anger, is human beings feeling obligated to keep their family of origin in their lives, simply because society tells them that that’s the only way to live.” The response I wrote to this person’s comment, with some expansion, reads:
Yes!!!! Society is incredibly toxic, in this way; it’s like, “you should have your family of origin in your life, no matter what. Because they are your family of origin and therefore, how they treat you does not matter.” It sickens me to my core, quite frankly. And honestly, I cannot count the number of times people have told me that I’m essentially nothing, if I don’t forgive my abusers and keep/welcome those abusers into my life again. Hell, people have taunted me, I guess you could say, with saying things like ‘what if your mom gets sick and you still haven’t made up with her? You should get in touch with her, before it’s too late. And in people making this kinda comment, they’re assuming that A, I care about my bio mom and B, that I care about how other folks view me/view this situation between my bio mom and I. And the thing is, there was a time in my life when I cared deeply about what other folks thought about this situation, and I pretended like I didn’t have anything to unpack about the situation for myself. But the thing is, while I personally, physically and otherwise removed myself from that toxic situation a few years ago now, others may not be able to do so themselves, for any number of reasons. And so that’s why I speak out on this sort of issue, because I’m someone who fortunately was able to re-shift my own thinking on this toxicity…and then create the life for myself that I both want and deserve.
In the FB group called Have a Gay Day, I created a post that reads:
So I’ve been a member of this FB group long enough to know that many folks could probably use some genuine support/empathy for wherever you as individuals, are on this journey of living as people in the LGBTQ+ community, in a world that still has a ways to go in terms of “true acceptance” for us. Personally, I’ve always known that I was a lesbian–it didn’t matter how much my biological momster tried to ‘pray the gay’ out of me. It didn’t matter how much my biological momster and both sides of my family of origin outwardly showed their hatred to me of who I was. I mean, sure, I outwardly changed who I was to live in/among their world for however long I needed to…and I played the part well, so to speak. I’ve dated men for practically all of my life because I believed that maybe somehow I could figure out how to live the life I thought I had to live. But that being said, deep down, I still knew exactly what my sexual orientation was. But until I believed with my whole heart that I deserved to live as my authentic self every single day, I stayed a passenger in my own life. So while I will never tell anyone that it does get better, because no one can truly know that, I will tell folks that with a community around you who fully supports you in being who you are, you can live a happy, liberated life. Now that being said, I want to stress that when I say it’s important to build a great community around yourself, I don’t mean that people will agree with every choice you make for yourself. I just mean that they will love you unconditionally…and so when the right people are in your corner, you’ll know it 👭 ☺️ 🤗 🏳️🌈 ❣️ ✨
On my personal FB page, I wrote the following status update which reads:
I just had an experience where a paratransit driver didn’t think that I was blind; he thought I just used a wheelchair. My thing is, why TF do people always apologize when they find out I’m someone who’s blind and I happen to be a wheelchair user too? I mean, if they think that my visible disabilities are what make my life most difficult…they are wrong. Blindness/being a wheelchair user, are the least of my problems. LOL.