I recently wrote the following tribute to someone dear to me that I lost. Names are not included. The tribute reads:
The world knew you as (redacted) or as a radio DJ or as (name of children’s) mom or (redacted’s wife. While I did tell you I loved you with all my heart the last time I saw you, I left something out: the fact that for the short time that you were in my life, in my head only, I thought of you as “mom.” You taught me that a mother, that my mother, was only required to love me…which you did. This is a short tribute to you, and while I’m sad that I’ll never get to hug you again or. Tell you I love you again, I know with my whole heart that being loved by someone I could call “mom” is a feeling I thought I’d never experience. So thank you, Mom. I love you!
I wrote another tribute to her on FB that reads:
It’s hard for me to imagine my life going on, without Mom physically in it. In fact the day before yesterday, I’d been thinking a lot about how she and I could have girl time together, once she kicked cancer’s ass. I’d been thinking about how happy I felt to have her in my life; I’d even thought about how for once in my life, I wanted to find my forever love…just so she (Mom) could support me in that union, the way my bio mom should but never has. I kept thinking how I just wanted one day of me having of as little physical pain as possible, so that I could spend time with Mom and be fully present with her. And now, the pain of Mom’s loss feels unbearable. I knew she and I were alike in one huge way: we are both fighters and will be until the day we, I, die. Parents are supposed to outlive us 😭 😭 😭
Yesterday my caretaker bought the two of us drinks and food from Starbucks. He knew that I’d been feeling really sad about Mom’s death…and how much Starbucks does usually cheer me up. I had a white peppermint mocha latte to drink and a breakfast sandwich with bacon, egg and cheese on it; both of those things were really good. And my caretaker got the same type of sandwich for himself. And interestingly, the two of us have similar tastes about what kinda food is good–he’s definitely someone I can trust about whether food is disgusting or delicious.
This morning my caretaker brought me my package from Amazon.com. The package was actually delivered yesterday but it can sometimes be difficult to find people’s mail here because there are several houses in this neighborhood that are owned by the same person. TBH, before living here at this house, I’d never lived in a house where a landlord/landlady owns multiple houses/properties. But that being said, a person owning multiple properties is definitely one smart way to do business.
So anyway, the part of my Britney Spears outfit that I currently have, is the choker and the bottom half of the outfit which is a skirt-like piece. I say skirt-like because there are parts of the skirt that are short and other parts of it that are lengthier. And I guess that these two things came from the same location, given that they both arrived to me at the same time.
But for anyone who may not know what a choker is in this instance, it’s a necklace that fits tightly around a person’s neck. And in this case, the choker is gold and has stones on it that display different colors. I picked this choker specifically because the sighted friend who’d helped me order all of these things, explained to me that there were all kinds of colors and styles for the chokers they’d found. And this particular one just sounded pretty to me, especially when I heard that it had gold in it.
In the Blind Bitching FB group, someone posted asking why blind people gossip. The response I wrote to that reads:
If it really bothers you so much, quit hanging out with those particular people. There is nothing anywhere that says that you have to keep people in your life, just because they’ve been in it for a time.
In the childfree group I’m in, someone posted asking if they were alone, in feeling like they just don’t fucking want kids. My response to that thread reads:
I’m 1000% with you!!! In fact, I feel that my life is more meaningful because I don’t want to have kids. And also, I always cringe inwardly, when I hear people say things like “I don’t know how I’d live without my kids” or “my kids are my reason for living.” People with kids say these things like they have no individual identity at all…and to me, that is awful.
In this same group, someone posted a topic about dating. More specifically, the person wanted to know whether us CF folks have a hard time finding CF people to date. My response to that topic reads:
It’s extremely hard to find people to date who are childfree, as I am!! It’s like, everyone in the world wants kids or has kids. So I bring it up early on in getting to know people because I don’t want either of us to get too involved, especially if they want kids or have kids.
I posted the below comment on the CF group, in response to someone asking if folks have step-children. What I wrote reads:
I say this sincerely, I promise; IDK how CF people can date folks who have kids. Because to my mind, that makes you part of those children’s lives, and a serious part of their lives at that, especially if you are serious about their parent. Maybe I’ll learn something from you folks; please educate me.
Someone responded to that comment of mine, saying that they understand my perspective but that it’s a bit more complex than that, as they weren’t the ones who gave birth to their partner’s children. So I replied to them saying:
But like, say they are teenagers or preteens and they have a horrible attitude towards their parent. Do you ever feel like you are in some way responsible for trying to rein them in, so to speak? Because my perspective is that when you date a person with kids, you are essentially also agreeing to take on their children maybe not as yours persay, but in some fashion, at least. Do you have a different experience than that?
Another person responded to my initial comment on this thread, explaining that for them, dating someone with kids does not mean that they are responsible for that person’s kids. And what I wrote in response to that comment reads:
Ah, when you put it in terms of being similar to having an aunt/uncle, that makes a bit more sense. I personally don’t want to date someone who has kids, simply because I want to be able to have a life with my partner(s) and I because I never had that sort of support very much growing up.
In this same FB group, someone asked about whether people think about who will take care of them when they are sick/dying. And my response, with some clarification for the blog’s sake, reads:
The things we have are just things, at the end of the day. It is us human beings that attach meaning to things, whether it be because we feel we have to or just because of the way society socializes us to care about that sort of thing. I for one don’t give any thought to who will take care of me when I’m deathly sick, though that’s probably because I know the answer is “a hospital.” But that doesn’t upset/stress me out or what have you, the way it seems to for other folks.
I posted the below post on the CF FB group that reads:
I just wanted to give the mods here a shout-out/thank you for creating this group. I used to be involved in a CF group called “childfree 18+” I think was what it was called…and I found the mods there to be assholes, and not understanding of my situation. I was trying to invite some of my FB friends to that group, and I kept having issues where the speech output software I use was not alerting me to the fact that someone had already been invited. Like, the way my speech output software would read the invite button next to someone’s name, was by saying “invite, unchecked” or something along those lines. This happened to me twice, and the second time it happened, the mods of that group banned me. And I wanted to give people a heads up about that FB group, if they are blind/if it even still exists because I don’t want others to go through what I did there. I’ve been pretty disappointed that the mods were like that towards me, especially when I explained the situation to them twice…and then I found this group while searching FB for other CF ones I could join. And I wanted to post a thank you/shout-out to the mods here because this environment is friendly yet unafraid to talk about whatever…and I’m glad I found it. I know it can’t be easy to be a mod, nor can it be fun all the time, but you all do a great job at setting a community standard for this place/sticking to that. And here’s to continued happy chatting here for all of us 🙂 ❤️
I wrote the following FB post which reads:
It’s a dead giveaway that people don’t read my profile, when I get a notification from someone to join a religious-oriented group with Jesus as its focus. I know that generally, people just hit the “invite” button on probably everyone…but that’s annoying. I also know that someone will likely comment on this post of mine, jokingly asking me if I wanna join Jesus in an FB group…and I’d find that humorous…because jokes are funny!! People not reading my profile is annoying because they took the time to friend me…and why did they do that, if they didn’t actually you know, wanna get to know me?
I wrote the below thread on Twitter which reads:
When people follow me on Twitter and then send me a DM that just says “hi.” Don’t fucking do that, people; If I don’t know who you are, nor have I ever exchanged any sort of meaningful conversation with you, you won’t get a reply to your DM. Cuz I can never be sure whether men…just read my profile which says that I’m gay and so they find me a challenge just based off that fact alone…or is the person who just said “hi” in my DMs without actually conversing with me at all socially awkward? Are they genuine? IDK but I take offense to them going…right to my DMs. If you don’t have something more than “hi” to say to me, please don’t even bother DM-ing me. It’s a waste of both yours, and my, time.
I wrote the following thread on Twitter, about a WordPress frustration I’ve had for awhile now. My writing reads:
There’s a known WordPress issue I’ve had where WP won’t let me change the default email address that’s associated with my WP account. But I’d like to have everything blog-related be all in one place so that I can separate my personal life from my blog life. I’ve even had sighted friends of mine try and help me change it. And all that happens is that I get a message saying that a confirmation email has been sent to the email address I wanna change it to…but there’s never been a confirmation email sent to me. I’ve had the email address for my blog for months now and I’ve been trying and trying to fix this issue since then. Googling it has let me know that I’m not alone in experiencing this…but I want a fix, dammit; not just knowledge that others are experiencing the same thing. If anyone knows how to correct this or knows anyone who might be able to help me do so, please LMK.